My Quarter Life Crisis

You can always go home......

2010-04-26T16:49:00.004-04:00

My time in Atlanta involved chasing the thrill of discovering something new. Wanting to become the “black” Carrie Bradshaw (without the debt and men problems of course) or Joan (again without the men problems) from “Girlfriends”. So what have I discovered?

That I could actually live on my own in Atlanta and make it
That it is okay to be different.

That it is okay to be home sick. It does not make you weak.

That I was still unsatisfied.

That even though I was living in the city, I was nowhere close to the “city girl” fantasy I believe I should be living.

That I was “NOT” living life PERIOD!

That it is okay to go home again.

Which is what I did, I am now back living in Louisiana.

Now do not get me wrong, I love and miss Atlanta so much, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do in order to do what you want to do. At first when I arrived back into Louisiana, I took it as a failure, but I soon came to realize that it was all in my mind. However anything I do I will associate it as a failure because I am not doing what I wanted or should be doing by now (practicing law). Even though I am considered moving back home as a failure of some sort, failing is not the end of the world, but simply means you have a lesson to learn.

There is ONE positive aspect to moving back to Louisiana:

I WAS ACCEPTED BACK INTO LAW SCHOOL!!!!!!

That is right folks, after SIX LONG YEARS, I am finally getting a second chance at a dream/goal.

Which is why with great sadness, I will no longer blog at “My Quarter Life Crisis”. For some reason I felt I kept taking this blog in the wrong direction. Maybe it was because I had no direction in life because I kept trying to get something back from my past. I could never move forward.

However I have chose to create a new blog, specifically one detailing my journey in law school. I will call it:

2ND TIME AROUND

I will write about many topics, but not all will be legal/law school related. However everything will tie into my life and my legal journey. Things that contribute to my sanity. My main goal is to NOT have this blog me a “boo-hoo, poor me”. Just a place to document my growth and enlightenment.

So come and join me, this “second time around”. (Corny I know – LOL)

Happy New Year!!!!!!

2010-01-01T00:32:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year everyone!!!

2009 has been a crazy year to say the least and I am hoping and praying that 2010 will be so much better. Tons of things has happened since the last post and 2010 will be an exciting year for me and the blog. Let's just say that I am in a new place (mentally and physical location aka new state!!).

Look forward for year 2 of "My Quarter Life Crisis" to be an exciting year!!!!

Once again..... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

2009-09-09T22:29:00.002-04:00

So once again I grow a year older. Didn't really do too much (actually I did nothing). Co workers and boss took me out to lunch, my aunt gave me a gift certificate to our favorite spa for a facial, and I came home to get on the Internet (one of the tenants in my apartment has not realize that they did not lock their wireless) and to talk on the phone to my friends/love ones.

This is not a bad thing because usually I do not celebrate my birthdays. I just do not like a lot of attention on me like that. However it did make me think about birthdays in the past.

I am 27 and I believe that I have been single for every birthday I have had in my twenties. WOW!!!!!

So with that being said, I am looking at all the men that are currently in my life. I am not on a romantic level with none of these gentlemen (well maybe two/a couple of them wish we were), but I make it an effort to call them, if not at MIDNIGHT, on their birthday. These NINE gentlemen (I am starting to use this word loosely now) know how important I take birthdays and some of them I talk to just yesterday/last week!!!! Out of the nine men, TWO called and wished me a happy birthday.

Really?

Will I be taking this too far if I start to distance myself from these individuals? I ask this because I find it curious that I can talk to these people all the time (emails, facebook, phone, text, etc.), but only TWO can take the time to call and wish me a damn happy birthdaaaaay!!!

Whatever............

My FIRST Book Review!!!!

2009-08-23T19:21:00.002-04:00

After EIGHT LONG MONTHS of procrastination (because that's what is was), I finally wrote my first book review! There are many to come, but in the meantime check it out at:

www.booksnobwannabe.blogspot.com

Gratitude

2009-08-12T18:41:00.001-04:00

Since cutting off my cable, coming upon my 27th birthday, and watching the 20th anniversary of Oprah’s show (I have it on DVD……LOL), I came across a segment that featured “Gratitude” and how she started a gratitude journal. These pass couple of months (well actually this pass year) a lot of things has happen to me and I see myself changing in ways I never imagined. I have always been the type of person who looked at the negative instead of the positive. Things are happening to people around me that I need to be more thankful for the life I have.

So for those reasons on Sunday I started a “gratitude journal”. EVERYDAY (well at least I am going to try to do it everyday) I plan to write FIVE THINGS I am grateful for. (Not on the blog of course, I want this to be very personal and use this to build up my spirituality)

That's all folks........

I love Barnes & Noble!

2009-08-03T17:26:00.002-04:00

Due to the recession (I use this as an excuse for everything - but I have to start cutting back somewhere), I have cut off my cable and Internet!!!! What am I going to do?????? LOL!!!! Nevertheless, since I will have so much free time on my hands (other than working on my law schools applications), look forward to many many blogs!!!

OH! Did you know that Barnes & Noble has FREE WI-FI????? Well I do and this is where I will be. They may ask for rent. LOL!!!

Next post......... My Addiction to Television & Internet!!!!

Investing in Myself

2009-07-09T15:44:00.002-04:00

I got this idea from one of my favorite blogs Dream and Hustle.

Mr. Dream & Hustle specified that in order to invest in yourself, you need to learn new skills and create portfolios for presentation that can help you deal with the right people who can get you in the right places. Well that is my focus right now (with my personal and professional life).

I have created “I’m Hungry” folders. In these folders, I am working on the following items:

1. Establishing better writing/grammar skills.
2. Learning about creating and maintaining websites.
3. REALLY getting my business up and running.
4. Completing some kind of public speaking course.
5. Networking with like minded individuals.
6. Learning Spanish and Japanese
7. Research and learn about International Law and Business
8. Learning how to efficiently draft different types of legal agreements.
9. Become proficient in MS programs.
10. Obtaining my real estate license.
11. Making something happen with my blogs.

Lastly of course is getting into law school and actually graduating this time. J

Look who's back!!! (This time for real LOL)

2009-06-14T03:10:00.003-04:00

Hey everybody!!!! Long time no hear huh? LOL!

Well I am back. Life has really got in the way this year.

I also started an additional blog call BOOK SNOB WANNABE. Check it out:

http://www.booksnobwannabe.blogspot.com/

So what have I been doing? Just the normal quarter life crisis things……….

Living Arrangements
12/31/08 I got my own place!!!!! I love it!

Job
It is becoming an extremely stressful situation.

Misc
I am trying my best to conquer my addictions one day at a time.
I went natural!!!
I am making exercise apart of my daily routine.
Finally found someone to talk to (a professional of course).

Hobbies
I completed a new “Vision Board”.
I started a “QLC” scrapbook.
Have a summer reading plan (25 books) which can be found on my book blog!
Creating a Look book

Things I am thinking of doing:
Learning to sew
Learning Spanish

Things I cannot let go of:
I took the LSAT (AGAIN) and I am going to apply to law school.

My goal is to have at least ONE post a week. This is a commitment to me because I really need to work on my writing skills and I really want something to come from this blog (and my other one, and the one I am going to start Jan 2010. LOL). I have been jotting down tons of ideas; it is the matter of finding time (more like making time) and working on them.

Quote of the day

2009-05-31T18:01:00.002-04:00

I saw this in the comment section on another blog and it was a light blub moment for me!

"Simply paying the bills, and existing, isn’t sufficient."

I need to start doing something about it.......

Quote of the day

2009-05-20T19:45:00.002-04:00

"If you are going to worry, why pray. If you are going to pray, why worry."

I am on twitter!!!!

2009-04-22T08:35:00.003-04:00

www.twitter.com/bcyprain

ALSO..... I am still here. Some personal issues came up and I had to deal with them. Slowly I am getting back on track. THANKS!!!

Song for the week!!

2009-03-13T14:48:00.000-04:00

Have a great weekend!!!

Been on a Blogging Break (more like procrastination)

2009-03-08T23:10:00.003-04:00

To whatever few readers I have left:

I took what one would call a “blogging break”. I have diagnosed myself with an extreme case of procrastination.

I really need to work on putting first things first. I am going to use the next week to concentrate on getting some things together and getting organize.

However I am back and ready to blog my brains out!!! (so lame!)

I have sooooo much to write about that its crazy!

Cleaning House in 2009!

2009-02-16T13:43:00.003-05:00

I have been really busy mentally lately and so when my mom sent this email to me, it described exactly what I was going through.

Last Week I threw out worrying, it was getting old and in the way.

It kept me from being me; I couldn't do things God's way.

I threw out a book on MY PAST (Didn't have time to read it anyway).

Replaced it with NEW GOALS, started reading it today.

I threw out hate and bad memories, (Remember how I treasured them so)?

Got me a NEW PHILOSOPHY too, threw out the one from long ago.

Brought in some new books too, called I CAN, I WILL, and I MUST.

Threw out I might, I think and I ought. WOW, you should have seen the dust.

I ran across an OLD FRIEND, I hadn't talked to in a while. His name is GOD the Father, and I really like His style.He helped me to do some cleaning and added some things Himself.

Like PRAYER, HOPE, FAITH and LOVE,Yes... I placed them right on the shelf.

I picked up this special thing and placed it at the front door.

I FOUND IT- it's called PEACE. Nothing gets me down anymore.Yes, I've got my house looking nice.Looks good around the place.

For things like Worry and Trouble there just isn't any space.

It's good to do a little house cleaning.

Get rid of the things on the shelf.It sure makes things brighter; maybe you should TRY IT YOURSELF.BE BLESSED AND BE A BLESSING TO SOMEONE ELSE!!!!

I am in the money!!!!!!

2009-02-01T23:14:00.004-05:00

Superbowl Champs!!!!

Now I can go to bed!!!!!! LOL

My Blogoversary!!!!!!

2009-01-08T15:41:00.001-05:00

YEAH!!!!!

“My Quarter Life Crisis” is officially a YEAR old today!!!!!!!

I cannot believe that I have kept it up. Even though I have not been a regular poster (see “I am a slow blogger” post), it has really helped me continue my hobby of writing. My goal for 2009 with regards to posting is to post AT LEAST once a week.

I think that 2009 is going to be a great year for QLC!!

I want to thank the following blog(s) for keeping me inspired to blog:

http://theglamchron.blogspot.com/
http://www.auntjemimasrevenge.blogspot.com/
http://renaissanceblackwoman.blogspot.com/
http://www.thesowingcircle.blogspot.com/
http://www.whattamisaid.blogspot.com/

Anyway, I have moved into my apartment (YEAH!!! – more on that later) and I will not have Internet until this weekend. So basically I am on the Internet at work trying to sneak and post this!!! LOL!!!

I just wanted to acknowledge this big occasion.

QLC will be back to its regular schedule (come to think of it, I never had one – LOL) this weekend. Until then……..

SEE YA LATER!!!!!!

So I been thinking........

2008-12-23T01:09:00.003-05:00

AND

Glad the 40 detox is over....... now I have to blog about it.

AND

I will be creating an additional blog about books I have read.

AND

Why am I creating another blog when I barely post on this one?

AND

Got to do better with posting on my blog in 2009.

AND

Not looking forward to the 6 1/2 - 7 hour drive to Louisiana.

AND

I am looking forward to some Gumbo though!

AND

Cannot contain my excitement about having my own apartment!! December 31, 2008 I will obtain the keys!!! YEAH!!!

AND

Excited to finally meet my new niece!

AND

I am finally starting to feel contentment.

AND

I think that 2009 will be a great year for me!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

What to expect for Xmas?

2008-12-21T22:37:00.008-05:00

Once again it is Christmas time and I will be heading to good ole Louisiana Tuesday!!! However with every positive, there are some negatives. Now I love my relatives, but at times (especially for the holidays) they can be a little to much.

The "Drunk" family members

These individuals usually are the ones who start the fights/arguments. They are usually older male relatives.

The "Criticizing" family members

These relatives always making snide remarks or been judgmental. For example, "OH! You still haven't went back to law school?" Usually older female relatives.

The "Wild Child" family members

Another Christmas, another child and babydaddy/mama. Always bugging you to go to the club with them later. Assume that you are big ballin and want to talk in private so they can ask for some money.

The "I'm saved now" family members

Was a "wild child" and/or "drunk" family member last Christmas. Trying to preach to you about what you need to do with your life and criticizing you for not being where they are at in Christ. FUTURE OUTLOOK: Becoming a "Criticizing" family member.

The "Competitor" family members

Usually around the same age as you (so that mean they are a first and/or second cousin).

I get a new job, he/she got a promotion.

I get a new apartment, he/she bought a house.

I get a new boyfriend, he/she get engage!

The "Impostor" family members

Moved away and people assume he/she is doing great. Do not want family members to know that he/she is doing anything LESS THAN great. However everyone know that you are struggling. I THINK THIS IS ME. LOL!

NEVERTHELESS, I love them all the same and cannot wait to see them.

FREEDOM

2008-12-16T00:16:00.004-05:00

Day 37 of 40

The detox is going better than I thought it would. Truthfully, I thought that I would have quit by now. That’s sad huh? Nevertheless I am pushing along. Some stuff I back sled on whereas on other things I have remained strong.

If I am going to be honest with you guys (and to myself), as I am looking at my list, I do not see where I have done a lot. I did complete my 5 day food detox!!!! No cokes or drinks period. I just had water, fruits, and vegetables. With regards to the 5 day food detox, I learned that I am going to have to gradually take myself off of cokes. LOL!! No cold turkey for me. So I drink one SMALL cup a day (and that’s hard for me to), but I am drinking more water than I use to. Especially since I heard that it can come back to haunt ya when you get old! I have not cut down several days of television, but I do not watch television on Mondays.

Nevertheless I have had an epiphany; I AM GETTING MY OWN PLACE.

Even though I have no money saved, hardly getting by now, for my piece of mind, I know that it is necessary. There are several individuals (including family members) that are telling me that I am making a stupid/dumb decision. Those doubting me and bringing negativity to my life will only make me try even harder. Going through this detox and the event that occurred recently, has made me realize that I was/am in a “comfort zone”. I need to step out on a limb and do this for myself and not because I am feeling pressured to do it, not because I feel like a failure, not because I should be doing what everyone else my age is, but because it’s the right decision for ME.

I am learning that I cannot always go by someone advice. I can take it under consideration, but at the end of the day I have to do what makes me happy. That has always been my problem, trying to make the adults in my life happy and satisfied, but not realizing that I am an adult myself. If I fail, well I tried. I will be the one who will have to deal with it. Nobody else has to. So if that mean sleeping on an air mattress (which if I buy a good one, they can be extremely comfortable) and eat cereal and ham sandwiches everyday, SO BE IT. If that is what it takes to have piece of mind, then that is what I will do. Now even though we are in a recession, I will try my damn est to get a part time job.

For some reason I have this calmness about the situation, I have went over my bills and it is really possible. I looked and found a great apartment, in a great location, and at a great price. I have to just fix something on my credit report tomorrow and it will be mine. I will be able to move in December 31st!!!

This means that I will be starting the New Year off right! Please pray and wish me luck on this new adventure that I am about to embark on!

Complainer

2008-12-15T23:43:00.005-05:00

Day 36 of 40

You know how there are some people in the world that you hate to see coming because they ALWAYS complaining about something? I hate to say it, but I think that person is me. Okay…….I know that person is me. LOL! I complain entirely too much, and it is sad when you yourself is the one who realize it.

It always starts off innocently, I could be talking about something and I will find the negative in it. Complaining is a part of most my daily exchanges. I even use complaints as icebreakers.

However even though I have a lot of stuff to work on in my life, compared to others (especially in this recession and holiday period) I am doing pretty good.

I am healthy and able bodied.
I have a warm and safe place to sleep at night.
I have family and a few friends I can depend on.
I have a reliable car that can take me from A to B.
I have a job that provides income to live off of and to take care of necessary expenses.
I have food to eat.

After realizing that I needed to stop surrounding myself around negative people and/or individuals who are not trying to better themselves, I had to take a look at myself. I thought, “What is it about me that makes me want to be around these people or why do they want to be around me?” “How can I bring more positive people in my life?”

Well it starts with me!

Sunday at church, the preacher made it quite clear. If it is one thing that God does not like, it is a complainer. He can tolerate/forgive you when He sees you TRYING, but if you are just giving up and complaining about the situation without doing anything about it, well that is just UNACCEPTABLE.

How can I complain about my living situation when some people do not know where they will lay their head tomorrow or if they will even have a home?

How can I complain about being lonely because I am not in a relationship when I have friends and family who I KNOW I can trust 100% and they will never let me down?

How can I complain about my job and boss when over a million people have lost their jobs and do not know where the next meal will come from?

I am starting to wonder how many things have I missed out on in life because of my complaining.

Instead of looking at the each negative point in your life, take the time to look at it in a positive light.

I NEED TO BE MORE GRATEFUL.

God created each and every one of us with free will. That means that we choose our thoughts and I (and you) do not have to accept every negative thought/image that comes to mind.

So starting today, I am making a conscious effort to not complain (and whine because I am good at that also). It will be an extremely hard task for me, but it is an important step to take in my quest for spiritual and mental growth!

FOUR MORE DAYS AND THE DETOX WILL BE COMPLETE!!!

I have so much to share.

Kanye West's 808s & Heartbreak

2008-11-30T22:00:00.004-05:00

Okay you guys. I have been a little quiet when it came to my man Kanye because I thought that he had a breakdown. I was not feeling the song "Love Lockdown". Kanye singing? Nah....... However since he is my man (of course only in my mind) I have to stick by him through THICK AND THIN. I am glad that I did because I am loving the CD. Now it is kind of depressing and if you are in a funky mood, it will not cheer you up. Nevertheless I am feeling it. If anything, the album proves once and for all what an incredible artist my man is!!

My favorite song is HEARTLESS!!!

My man is so creative!!!

I am also loving "Say You Will"

This one is called "Welcome to the Heartbreak"

Okay that is all I can give ya. Since I actually "bought" this album, I am going to need for you go out and support my man. LOL!!

Today was a good day!!!

2008-11-29T23:19:00.004-05:00

Grambling won 29-14!!!!!

I can have a great Christmas and bragging rights for a year. YEAH!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!

Detox for the mind, body, and soul - PART ONE

2008-11-17T22:28:00.008-05:00

Day 6 of 40

Since turning 26, I've found myself becoming much more reflective and serious about my life. Not that I wasn’t before, but now in a much lucid perspective. Nor am I taking myself too seriously, but I’m starting to notice how much more aware I am of myself, my thoughts, relationships with others, career, path and purpose. I feel that I am sort of grieving and putting away my young self. Nevertheless I am extremely excited and deathly afraid of what is in store.

I am always searching out for women older than me to get their perspective on life and ask did they go through the same things at this age and stage. When I hear all these amazing stories of women truly finding themselves in their 40’s and 50’s, I am like, “Dang! Am I going to be crazy for another 15 years?!”

So here I am trying to gain some knowledge to get me through these twenties, and all they can say is, “Girl your 20’s are going to be some of the best and worst times of your life.” The majority of them felt that their 20’s were so hard for them and life gets so much better in your 30’s and up.

Last week as I was getting dress for work, I looked in the mirror and thought, I’m grown!

I finally believe that I am coming into my own. Meaning I know what makes me happy and I want to try and find ways to achieve those things NOW so that I can become a truly happy and content woman.

My passion for history, writing (regardless if I think I am good or not) and entrepreneurship has been weighing heavy on me that I feel like I am suffocating from it. How can I turn my passions into some kind of reality? I have ton of ideas, but currently I am living in a reality where I am extremely in debt, living with a relative and wanting my own place, working a job that does not appreciate my skills and experience with crappy pay, wanting a man-but knowing I do not NEED a man in my life right now, and most importantly trying to achieve a goal that I know deep down inside is not a dream I dream for myself anymore. AHHHHHH!!!!!

With all of this going on in my head, I came to the conclusion that I need to detoxify my mind, body, and soul.

On Monday, November 10, 2008, I started my 40 day detox. The reason I picked the number 40 was because in the bible it means completion/perfect. Instead of starting January first, I decided to start as soon as possible. In my opinion the number 40 represents a proficiency of time that is long enough or large enough to remove doubt; long enough and large enough to prove God's point.

I just want a greater sense of well being, break some bad habits, let go of past failures and regrets. I know that I will not find all my answers in this period, but I would love to start a new year off at a different place.

I keep/kept fighting myself about taking this route. Nevertheless I knew that I had to do something because I am not happy with anything these days. I have this constant state of anxiousness and fear. I am unsatisfied with my looks (these damn 15 pounds UGHHH), I always feel bloated (because of the horrible foods that I consume), I cannot sleep or I am sleeping my days away, and I am always tired and restless to the point of not wanting to do anything, much less read, work on my business, and/or blog. I cannot keep focus or concentrate on anything except the damn television. Basically I just feel “blah” 24/7.

Someone told me that if I want optimum performance, I will need to put optimum nourishment in my mind, body and soul.

The following things are being eliminated while on the detox:

Limited or no TV

No cold drinks (soda to you city folks) - basically Coca-cola because I drink it like water.

Fried foods

McDonalds (10 piece nugget meal)

Dairy products and sugar

Processed food

Meat (Lord help us all! LOL)

Sex/masturbation

The following things are being included in my life permanently:

Walking at least 5 days a week for 30 minutes

Doing YOGA

Water!!!! - This will be hard because I HATE water.

Meditation

I started off slow. The first week was basically getting a new routine for sleeping. Trying to obtain 8 hours of sleep. Instead of my usually 4-6 weekdays/10-12 weekends. Last week I also started drinking a bottle of smart water a day. Slowly trying to move away from Cokes.

This week is my FIVE day major food detox. Meaning nothing but water, fruits and veggies, maybe some grill fish, limited TV (2-3 days), meditation, yoga, and walking all five days. Today is day one and I miss coke and television sooo much!!!! However it is for the better good.

I will keep you all posted.

So I been thinking........

2008-11-11T18:52:00.000-05:00

AND

I finally know what I want to do with myself and what needs to be done.

AND

I need to stop procrastinating and go to the counselor.

AND

I really wish I could move Atlanta to Louisiana. I would have the best of both worlds.

AND

I am really seeing the true/real side of “mainstream” America. (White people)

AND

I wish I had my own place!

AND

I think that every time I voice my view/opinion at work this past week, mainstream America think I do not know how to act since Obama won. LOL! Like I did not have an opinion week before last!!

AND

I am not challenged at work and it is making it very difficult to have motivation.

AND

I want to start a non-profit organization.

AND
I am in love with the website www.43things.com. It’s for anal individuals like myself who have to have “to-do” list. Check it out.

AND

I am researching schools in order to obtain my Masters/PHD in History. How does Professor QLC sound? LOL!!

The Picture says it all!!!!!

2008-11-05T00:55:00.001-05:00

So I been thinking........

2008-10-21T21:11:00.004-04:00

AND

If Obama win, I am not going to work on that Wednesday! LOL!

AND

Will we even know who the winner is Tuesday night?

AND

I am scared about seeing a counselor because for some strange reason I feel its conflicting with me spirituality.

AND

I hope that this recession/depression/bad ass financial situation our country is in helps me out in some way. Maybe....... A foreclosed condo? Is that bad for me to think that way?

AND

Instead of faithing watching "The Biggest Loser", I SHOULD be the biggest loser! Well 10 pounds lighter.

AND

Its time to find another place (and an additional place) to obtain a paycheck.

AND

DAMN I need good credit right about now!!

AND

During these hard economic times, is it okay to get a suga daddy? LOL!!

AND

I really need to eliminate television out of my life.

AND

I am so excited about being a new aunt!!!!

Oh my gosh!!

2008-10-21T20:31:00.002-04:00

Sorry about being M.I.A lately, but I cannot muster up any energy to do anything. Also so much has been going on with me that I just need to find time to get myself together. I wish there was a "refresh" button for life! I am at a fork in the road and I do not know which way to go. Everyday it is something different. However I am taking steps to get me some help (a counselor) and with the help and daily prayer, a solution should come about.

FALL is my favorite season!!

2008-09-30T21:08:00.008-04:00

Its fall!

I love the fall season.

Fall always bring back good memories. The weather is calmer with the wind blowing and the surroundings bringing good vibes. The last two weeks was a very sad and somber time for me, but yesterday as I was getting out of the car after coming home from work, something in me changed. The wind was blowing and the mood was so great that it turned my entire mood around! I had this calmness come over me. If I could have my way, it would be fall everyday.

Why do I love the fall season?

Well most importantly because it is FOOTBALL SEASON! I love football. Since I was a little girl I could not wait until the last Friday in August because I knew that was when the Jamboree (first high school football game of the season where every school in the parish plays each at the same stadium) would occur. Finding the hottest outfit and hitting the football stadium to check out all the guys from the different schools and determining who was going to be on my team this year. If they were giving out letterman jackets for being a spectator, then I would be varsity.

Black version of "Friday Night Lights/Varsity Blues"

Favorite holiday is Thanksgiving because of Bayou Classic!

This passion for football (and sadly boys) continued throughout high school and college. Now that I am no longer living in Louisiana where my hometown is like the movie, “Friday Night Lights”, its weird not having a football team to support on Fridays and Saturdays. I need some LIVE football in my life!

#26 Clinton Portis - Washington Redskins

Nevertheless I love the fall because the weather is perfect, not to cold and not to hot. Perfect weather for outfits!! LOL!!

Got to go for the hometeam!

Have to go for them because this is my Daddy's team!!

So I been thinking........

2008-09-30T20:24:00.002-04:00

AND.....

Why can I only find gas between the hours of midnight and 6am?

AND.....

I am thanking God for the "EXPRESS" bus that takes me to the MARTA everyday for work so that I can preserve my gas for emergencies.

AND.....

I thought I was going to like Jazmine Sullivan CD a lot more. I like it, but..... she is no Lauryn Hill 1998-99. Maybe it will grow on me.

AND.....

I am thanking God that even though I am ONE check away from being homeless, car less, and food less, that at least I have a job to obtain a check.

AND.....

Why with my questionable credit (that I am working on to the best of my ability) are Credit Card companies trying to GIVE me credit cards? OH Lawd it is sooo hard shredding them up!!! Especially since I am so broke and need any extra income possible.

AND.....

For extra income I am thinking about taking the "tax course" for H&R Block. I think it is from October until May. That income can catch me up on my bills and towards debt.

AND.....

I am about to make a MAJOR career decision.

AND.....

Why is losing 10 (okay I really want to lose 15) pounds so hard? It maybe because mentally I am not into it.

AND.....

Why am I scared to find another job? With the economy the way it is and the job market at its all time low, I am scared to leave this bad situation and end up being laid off at another job. (Hence the career change)

AND.....

Why am I so bad at picking men?

I have to admit something, I am a SLOW BLOGGER!

2008-09-21T23:05:00.001-04:00

I am going to get straight to the point.

There are some bloggers out there who make me very intimidated. These bloggers write with such heartiness and enthusiasm that sometimes I do not feel worthy of posting. However I realized that I put this pressure on myself really. The purpose of this blog was/is to express my feelings about my transition into this thing called womanhood and everything that comes along with it. Meaning I write about my issues with my career, men, money, spirituality, weight, etc. Everything a 20 something think is important. MY LIFE EXPERIENCES. However while writing this year, I realize that I have been feeling the stress and pressure to publish at LEAST 9-10 posts a month (which for some is the amount of posts they do a day) and if I do not, I feel like I have failed in some way.

With that being said, I feel like there are gifted individuals that have the competence, vigor, and wit to write insightful posts daily. I wish I had the ability to write like them. They have this extra-ordinary (at least in my opinion) way of explaining things that I can only wish I was able to do. They make me want to be a better writer. Hell, they make me want to be a writer period.

So I can only go at a pace I can handle. My pace gives me perspective to think over an idea and develop it. Some ideas I have about a post I have been thinking about for months and sometimes they come out as I write them, like this one. I feel like I need to take my time to write and to think about what exactly I want to say. Because truthfully I am not very good at articulating my views/emotions/opinions in the best intelligent way I want to.

I love blogs that take their time to live before talking about it in their blogs. Because lets be serious, you need to live your own feelings and experiences before trying to write about them in a blog. For it gives them the experience to develop an idea and/or opinion before bringing it to their blogs. Sometimes I get so caught up in their blogs that I do not take the time out to develop posts for my own. However please believe that I have been going through and living in some crazy times that I should have posts for months!! LOL!!

So the next time you come across my page and I have not written a post in awhile, do not think that I have forgot about yall. I am just out living! Trust me you will read about it later! LOL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

2008-09-09T00:02:00.003-04:00

I am officially 26 years old. God has blessed me with another year. I will reflect on it later today!

A nice quote I heard this morning:

2008-09-08T10:00:00.000-04:00

Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to move your feet.

Mental Organization

2008-09-01T22:01:00.001-04:00

So I need to clean out my mind. What does that mean? Well it basically mean that I have to much stuff going on in my head and it is driving me crazy!!!! Just chaos.

1. I have asked and received YES answers from 3 individuals with regards to writing me a letter of recommendation for law school. Now I just need to find three more. I am seriously considering asking the CEO of my company. I talk to a couple of VPs at work and they think he will do it without hesitation.
2. Get organize in my room. Meaning I need to organize bills, writings, ideas, articles, debt elimination documents, etc. I truly believe once you are organize that it clears your head and leaves you at peace.
3. Contact the county’s “Van-to-work” program so that instead of using my car (which means filling up twice a week and adding over 100 miles per week on my car) I can ride the van to work.
4. Find an English class to take so that my grammar, vocabulary, and writing skills can be better for law school (speaking and living it into existence), business, blogging, and my future life as an “author”.
5. Study for the LSAT.
6. EXERCISE!
7. Get back to reading and posting on this blog.
8. Designate a day to focus on writing and bible study.
9. Get back into my hobbies.
10. Focus on my mental, physical, and spiritual detox.
11. Start the sewing class on Saturdays which means that I need to find out if I need a sewing machine. LOL
12. Continue to work on my EMPIRE (well my small start up business)!!
13. Get career goals and future businesses organized and on paper.

So I been thinking........

2008-08-29T17:36:00.003-04:00

AND........

I am wondering what happened to my clique/crew? You know the ones you have in high school/college/sorors.

AND........

I am pissed off about this whole Republican V.P. situation. Do they REALLY think that Americans are that stupid?!

AND.......

I need to step up on my reading. Books that is. I have been slacking in this area. I am going to commit at least one day a week to strictly reading.

AND........

I read blogs more than I actually blog. I catch myself saying that I am only going to visit ONE site today, but then I look up and three hours have pass by. I even have a particular order I go in which I read my favorite blogs. Do not get me started on when I find new blogs I like! LOL

AND........

Need to get my exercise on.

AND........

One week before my 26th birthday (9/9/)!!!

AND.......

Currently in the process of detoxing. (Blog about it later)

AND.......

I have three ideas for future GREAT novels.

AND.......

I loved watching Jon Stewart and The Colbert after every night of the convention.

AND.......

Jello shots are great!!

AND.......

Obama speech got me all PUMPED UP!!

My friend, the mind reader

2008-08-21T11:33:00.002-04:00

So I am sitting at my desk, listening to Steve Harvey Morning Show, when a close friend sends me an email stating the following:

“You cannot do everything yourself, or all by yourself, at the same time. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but rather showing your strength. When you REALLY need it, ask for help, guidance, and assistance.”

Is my friend a mind reader now? LOL

A conversation with my Madea

2008-08-20T11:25:00.002-04:00

I called my great-grandmother (Madea) for her birthday and instead of talking about her (which she loves to do), she wanted to talk about me! Here is how some of the conversation went:

Madea: I am worried about you!
Me: Why?
Madea: You are about to be 26 and you have no man and no chaps (means children). Why is that?
Me:I just have not found one yet.
Madea: Didn’t I tell you want you need to do to get and keep a man?
Me: Yes ma’am
Madea: Well what the hell (my name was inserted here)! This is when I knew she was drunk. What are you doing up there? What did I tell you? Its four simple rules.
Me: I know. Getting aggravated because this entire conversation is being heard by a friend guy while we were on our way to grab a bite to eat! What makes it worse is that I know she wants me to recite them and I do not want to in front of ole dude, but I do. You always said in order to get and/or keep a man I needed to know how to keep a clean house (CHECK), make them laugh (CHECK), keep their belly’s full (I can cook my ass off! LOL), and screw their brains out (her words not mine! Actually hers were a lot worse)
Madea: AGAIN, if you know this why you single chile? Now she sound worried.
Me: Its not my time, but trust Madea I am okay, I have to go now about to go eat with a man.
Madea: Sounds happy again. Is it a boyfriend or potential one?
Me: No.
Madea: Worry comes back in her voice. Fuck it. I give up. Yall chaps drive me crazy. Have fun.
Me: Love you Madea!
Madea: Love you to baby!
Me: Bye!
Madea: Bye!

So this is my mama side of the family, and on my mama side of the family I am the FIRST one to NOT have a child as a teenager and to obtain a college degree. I think she is scared of me being alone because she never envision any of her family members achieving what I have (to me I feel I have not achieve that much, but to them I have achieve a lot). So I entertain her ideas of what I should do.

Soundtrack to my life - The South!

2008-08-08T21:46:00.003-04:00

So while browsing one of my fav blogs, You Hype! Sike Nah...., I came across a great song that I probably will be bumping for the rest of the summer. It goes along with my conflicted opinions of the status of Hip Hop/Rap and my love for the south.

OH! Is it possible to have a crush on a blogger because if it is, You Hype! is it for me! LOL

You're Everything

If I knew then, what I know now!

2008-08-02T18:27:00.003-04:00

I would have work toward becoming a college professor and author. Yep, thats right!

More specific, a HISTORY PROFESSOR! Man I wish someone would have sat me down and actually guided me instead of me doing it myself.

Another Saturday wasted.....

2008-08-02T18:06:00.003-04:00

So its Saturday and like every week while at work, I plan tons of things to do on my "free Saturdays".

Free Saturdays are Saturdays where no one is in town, no special events are going on, and no major errands to run. Just a empty/free Saturday.

Anyhoo, as I was stating before, I plan tons of things to do on these days (read, clean up, blog, catch up on fav blogs, check out new blogs, study, read, work on business, and catch up on shows I have on Tivo). However today I did hardly any. I just laid in bed (as I am doing now), played on Youtube (damn this great website), watched HGTV, and threw a pity party for myself.

Who was invited to my pity party?

Wanting my own place.
Being jealous that an ex is getting married today. Now I do not want him, but I am jealous none the less. It just reminded me that I am a single lady with no candidates at all.
Feeling fat (even though I know I am NOWHERE near fat, but just bigger than I have ever been) and not doing anything about it.
Being mad at myself because I feel that I am never satisfied.
Lastly, having tons of things/ideas/feelings going on in my head that are driving me crazy!

Its 6pm and I have nothing to show for this day. NOTHING!! I am getting tired of wasting away my "free Saturdays", but do not know how to motivate myself.

Mr. West!!

2008-08-01T11:53:00.003-04:00

So I have read somewhere that my future husband (pictured above) has a reality show in the works with HBO. They will basically follow him around and give us a peek of what goes on in his life.

What that means for me? Well I do not have to quit my job to follow him around. I can basically stalk him from the comfort of my living/bedroom! LOL.

This relationship is costing me money already! I have to go and get HBO! LOL

So I been thinking........

2008-07-29T20:58:00.002-04:00

AND......

There is so much I want to do, and I wonder will I be able to do it all. Will I become one of those individual with great ideals that never follow through with them?

AND......

Smile in your face, all the time they want to take your place, them BACKSTABBERS. BACKSTABBERS!!

AND.....

I am going to write a book! Well one day I will. I have several ideals in the works. I think I need to take some English/grammar classes and creative writing classes. Nevertheless it will get done. LOL

AND......

Family. They can be the ones that hurt you the most. Wish you can pick them like you do your friends.

AND.....

Work. Starting to learn the politics of the office. Individuals you THINK have your back and sincerely care, the main ones who will stab you in your back!! Thinking about keeping to myself like I was doing when I first started. I do not need to know EVERYTHING that is going on in the office.

AND......

The new Batman movie and The Color Purple play were excellent choices for this weekend!!! I recommend them both!

So I been thinking........

2008-07-22T23:49:00.002-04:00

AND........

I realize that I may be a walking contradiction.

ALSO

I whine entirely to much for my age.

I have an addictive personality.

I try to be hard, but I am not.

I am a great friend and sister.

I give excellent advice, but I do not use it in my own life.

I cannot decide if I want micro braids or a sewn in before I cut my hair all off for my birthday (like I do every year since I was 18)

I am lazy and it is the reason for some of my failures.

I am organize, but messy (organize chaos as I call it).

I KNOW that I do need to be getting involved with someone, BUT really wanting to!!!

I just discovered Sudoku, and I am loving it!

I am a closet nerd and I am about to start coming "out" to people! LOL

Oh and lastly, I am a very blessed individual and would not trade anything.

HOLLA!

Mr. West Dancing!! To funny

2008-07-15T20:02:00.003-04:00

So everyone should know that I am in love with Kanye West. Some people think I am crazy for liking everything that people hate about him, but who cares!!! Thats my baby! Anyway, here is this video with him and other guy I would love to meet (Andre 3000). The best thing is they are dancing like some Temptation type group. Nevertheless I have fell in love with Mr. West even more because like me, he cannot catch a beat to save his life!! LOL Enjoy!!

I did it!!! The start of an empire!

2008-07-14T20:18:00.005-04:00

I LAUNCHED MY BUSINESS TODAY!!!!!

I am so excited! YEA!!! The website is up, put up some flyer's, UPS mailing address, business cards, and more advertising material will be available to me by the end of the week. However most importantly, it is more than likely that I will have a client by Monday of next week!! Cannot wait to get this started. Have some networking events lined up and everything. I know that it is going to take some time to build it up, but I feel that it can become a great side hustle.

Wish me luck!

Qualities I want my mate to have

2008-07-13T02:28:00.002-04:00

Since I am on the subject of men and I mentioned that I made a list of characteristics/qualities that I wanted my mate to have, I feel that it is only fair that I share them with you. Also I would like feedback on if I am being unrealistic.

God-fearing. Someone who is where I am with God or better. Has to love God more than he will love me. Pray with me, bring me closer to God.
Book lover. Will enjoy going to book stores with me.
Someone I can travel with, take home to mama, and bring around my girls. Can take him to the hood and work related events (basically be a "switcher" like myself).
An educated man (book & street smarts), but one that knows not to cross the line or embrass me with his intellect. Willing to broaden my horizons.
I need to be intimidated by him in the beginning (do not ask me why - its a turn on), helps me step my game up. Keep me on my toes.
A man of virtue and pushes me to be a better me. The other side of me that I have been looking for. A man that knows he is not perfect but can learn, adapt, and is willing to do all he can to keep me happy.
A man that can and will take care of me, have my back, and be the first one to call with my good news.
Someone to visit on lonely weekends just for me to talk his ear off about my childhood, how much I have changed, and what the future has in store for me.
Someone to try new things with even though they may seem corny.
Can cook!
Has a STABLE job.
He values family and have a stable relationship with them.
FAITHFUL. Someone who believes in having one woman.
A man who believes in getting to know a female before entering into a sexual relationship.
A man who likes me because of my strength, but allows me to be vulnerable.
A man who understands my independence, but knows he is needed.
A man who is independent, but makes me feel wanted/needed.
A man who is ambitious as I.
Attractive and healthy who has style and flava.
A man who will open me up sexually (if there is any further you can take me! LOL), who is open to try new things in the bedroom and bring out another side to each other!

Thats it. What do you think? Am I doing to much?

Spiritual Sunday -- Praying for my future husband

2008-07-13T02:11:00.002-04:00

This is not one of those, “Please God send me a man!” prayers. I am not ASKING for a man, more of me praying for the man I KNOW is coming into my life. I have faith that God is going to bring my “Godly Man” to me, but I just want to pray for him. God completely knows my future husband already. He knows his thoughts, struggles, triumphs, fears, and failures. So if I am praying daily for myself to become a better child of God, I feel that it only right for me to do this for my future mate. By praying for him, I am seeing that things can change for me. I see myself trying to become a better person, and a better child of God. I want to obtain a purer heart, all this in preparation for him, my future husband. For that reason, I will be making this a daily commitment.

It’s the least I can do (pray for him) because the person God has chosen for me is probably facing struggles just like me. So I will pray that God bless him and his family, order his day, encourage him in the Lord (want him to love God more than me), and in some way know that his future mate (me of course! LOL) is out there getting herself ready for him.

For example:
“God please watch over him today, bless his family and true friends.” God I ask that you give him strength to live each day to the fullest and continue to strive to be a better child to You. Please provide him with the strength to be able to resist worldly desires so that he can live in THIS world, but not OF it.”

I also pray for a Godly understanding of what a real relationship/marriage is suppose to be. For someone who I can be better with and we can help each other grow spiritually. I want me and my mate to be equally yoke. Meaning I want him to be on the level I am or above. Meaning all the superficial things I used to ask for is going out the window. God knows what I am attractive to and I trust that whomever God put in my life I will be attractive to him. So why must we ask for physical features when we are asking God for a mate? With me offering my thoughts and prayers to God, I want to set my heart and mind on a completely different track. Instead of being upset/depress about not having a mate, I want to be excited/have anticipation about my “relationship”. Because even though it does not exist at the moment, I KNOW that it’s going to happen (again at His perfect timing), and I KNOW that it will be worth the wait!!

I also made a list of things that were important to me, things I considered important characteristics/qualities for my future mate to have. I placed it in my Bible and handed it over to God. If God does not bring this man I described on paper to me, it will be okay. I will be happy with whatever God wills me in this life time. When you give yourself, along with your problems and concerns to God, and also honor Him, He will give back to you one-hundred fold!! So I am going to pray for your future mate and his intentions, then just wait for God to bring this individual into my life.

Midnight Love

2008-07-10T18:02:00.004-04:00

So I was on the phone with my sister last night (while playing on the internet) and I came across this song that me and her loved back in the day. Then we started traveling memory lane, about the guys we dated in high school (what were we thinking! LOL) and how BET's "Midnight Love" was the soundtrack of our lives at the time. LOL Here are just a few that top our list:

Allure's Last Chance

Az Yet's Last Night

Pressha's Splackavillie - Now this one top's the list. However I rather not give details! LOL

Mariah Carey's My All - I cried everytime I heard this time. I thought I was so heartbroken (if I had only known the drama that was ahead in college). To this day I have to listen to it like three times in a row.

The Tony Rich Project's Nobody Knows

Kenny Lattimore's For You

Jesse Powell's You

Uncle Sam's I don't ever want to see you again

Uncle Sam's You are

Rome's I belong To You - Man this was the stuff (finding alternative words for curse words LOL)!! Oh my gosh! No words!

Man, those was the days! I thought life was so hard (teenagers - full of drama). Thanks for going down memory lane with me.

Not a quitter!!!

2008-07-10T16:09:00.002-04:00

So I am going to try ONE MORE TIME (with regard to the LSAT). I know what I did wrong last time, I am going to improve on my weaknesses, and not talk about it! Just going to show action!! I feel good about it. Wish me luck and send up a prayer or two, three, four..... LOL!

Hey! Three times a charm OR three strikes and your out! LOL

Faith without works is dead, and thats basically what I did and have been doing for quite some time.

Spiritual Sunday -- Organized religion versus Spirituality

2008-07-06T22:32:00.003-04:00

Love God with all my heart, body, and soul. Place no other person, place, and/or thing before Him.
Treat and love my neighbor as I would want to be treated and/or love.
Know that and truly believe that Jesus died for our sins.
Abide by the law of the land provided by the local and federal government.

If I am doing all these things, aren’t I living a “saved Christian” life? Where does “organized religion” fit in? Am I more of a spiritual person rather than a religious person? In my opinion, SPIRITUALITY is born in a person and develops in the person (of course by God). We all have it, whether we know or practice it. It’s really simple: We want to be happy and live a "good" life, and we want to be "good" and do the right things. True spirituality is something that is found deep within oneself. It is your way of loving, accepting and relating to the world and people around you. However this does not mean that it can not be found in church. I myself have join and became very active in a wonderful church. See I found spirituality by religion and by revelation. As Oprah says, I had my “AH HA moment” lately.

So how does organized religion come into play (especially for me personally)? Well in my opinion, we develop questions that we feel and learned that as humans we to turn to an authority to tell us answers. So this was supposed to be the purpose and origin of religion. Organized Religion (in my opinion) is a man made, culture based set of guidelines that guides its people in the practice of spirituality. Organized Religion is a good thing that in some cases has had bad consequences on some individual’s spirituality (especially me). Meaning I do not think religion is bad, but that it is being applied in a bad way. With organized religion, I often take from it at times judgment, fear, gossip, trying to see what individuals have on, who came to church with someone, and a bunch of rules and rituals. However with spirituality, I get love and compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, contentment, a sense of responsibility, a sense of harmony, and this brings about happiness to me. It is basically specifically explaining number one and two above. Also this is mainly what “worldly people” come and try to seek at church.

I believe it is correct to say that what some organized religion teaches and practice today is not what God has instructed us to do. I feel this way because they have adopted their own beliefs to fit their own agenda. This had me confuse and I started to lack faith. I started to understand how some individuals lose faith and give up God, quitting Him because of hypocrisy and the sinful nature of man/church. This is why it’s so critical to have a personal relationship with Christ and not follow a religion. God will never let hold of you and He never quits on us. The choice is ours. He gives us free will. He created each one of us to worship Him, and Him alone.

For many of those brought up in traditional religions, we have walls around our true selves that need to be knocked down, sometimes brick by brick, before we can see that the bricks are only an illusion keeping us separate from each other and from Spirit. Most religions, while they contain many truths, are fear-based. By being this way, they limit the amount of love we can give to ourselves, and therefore naturally, the love that we can give each other. Instead, we judge, we fear, we hold back - and we don’t even recognize that we are doing so. Once we can realize with our logical mind that religions were originally created to help mankind deal with the great fear of death and dying. It will be easier to move on to a higher expression of love and divine connection.

There are still things that I need to pray about and get wisdom about. I am no longer completely and greatly frighten of death and the unknown. A lot of things I feared are no longer there. I am developing contentment in myself because I am learning my place and purpose here on earth. However I have learned that I can be a spiritual person and attend an organized religion establishment without being religious. It sounds strange, but this is my path. I truly believe and know that I am bless to have found a church that has a preacher that is divine and provides me with the spiritual nourishment and knowledge I need to have in order to continue to develop and strength my relationship with God. Do I feel that this is the path for everyone? No, but for me it is. I am on this quest to have a fulfilling intimate relationship with God and I have been blessed to find a man of God who provides me with the growth in establishing that relationship. As for the church as a whole, I do not get caught up in the whole politics of it. I attend Sunday service and Wednesday bible study to get the daily nourishment I need, I attend classes that are God-based and critical yet does not have an one sided view on things, and most importantly it helps me develop relationships with like minded individuals that God put on my heart to meet. Not because they are the most popular in church or because they can do something for me.

LSAT Results

2008-07-03T17:19:00.003-04:00

Think about the worst score you can make, well I did worse than that!! You may ask how do I feel about it.

Well......

Can you be at peace about it and still cry? Because that is what happened to me. However just when I was about to sit here and write a "woe is me" post (AGAIN -- seems that is all I do lately), I came across this you tube clip. It put everything in prospective and at the end of the day I know everything is going to be okay.

John Legend sung it calmly and lets you focus on the message and not necessarily how well he can sang! Inspirational vitamin of the day.

10 books to read this summer

2008-06-24T22:42:00.017-04:00

So occurring to my summer list I posted earlier, I am suppose to read 3 books this summer. However since I am adding an additional day to my "NO TV day", I have pushed it up to 10 books. Some books are serious intellectual food for the brain and some are junk food/candy for the brain! Have to have your balance.

1. The African Origin of Civilization by Cheikh Anta Diop. So I am reading this one because I have this thirst for history and where I (my people) actually came from. I had been searching for this book and kind of put it on the back burner, but thanks for Tasha212 I realize I needed to read it now. Thanks girl!!!

2. Boaz Brown by Michelle Stimpson. My co-worker suggested that I read this book because she loved it. I really was not interested in reading fiction and for the last 2 years I read self help, informative, spiritual, and history books. However something reading too much serious stuff can be a drag.

3. Up From Slavery by Booker T. Washington
4. Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois
5. Narrative of the life of Fredrick Douglass by Fredrick Douglass
Well because they should be a requirement for EVERYONE!!!

6. Get Your Own Damn Beer, I'm Watching the Game! by Holly Robinson Peete
Well I love football and need to brush up on the technicalities of the game. Plus it doesn't hurt to have the knowledge of the game when it comes to men!!! Love it when a women can talk sports and ACTUALLY knows what she is talking about!!! Got to brush up before football season starts!

7. Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubne

Interesting book with interesting material. Cannot wait to find out why drug dealers buy a Lexus, but still live in the projects with they mama (maybe they hood). Also would like to know why they say that a real estate agent and a KKK Klansman has major similarities.

8. Just Too Good to be True by E. Lynn Harris. Well because I read EVERY book written by this man. My guilty pleasure. Comes out July 15, 2008. 9. Trading Up by Candace Bushnell
It was $2.00 at my fav store (Plato's Closet) and its written by the Sex and the City creator. I am hoping that its great since I am trying to get into "Chick Lit" (white girl books - sorry but true). If its not, well I only paid 2 bucks.

10. Lovers & Players by Jackie Collins. Well you always hear about her and how great her books are, so I was like, "What the hell?" Plus it has black characters in this one and it was $3 at Borders. Question? Why the book with black characters got to be called, "Lovers & Players"?

Honorable Mention: Time lines of World History

I think this is going to be my favorite history book. There are pages that fold out, but the best thing about this book is that it has the history of the whole world, not just Europe, but also Africa, the Americas (before anyone had sailed over here), and Australia to name just the few that I can remember right now. It lists them all side-by-side, so if you want to see what happened in Africa during the time when Elizabeth I was Queen, then it shows you right on the page. Going to use this book to incorporate my study of world history (the real version - not want the GOVERNMENT want us to know! LOL).

The SEVEN Habits of HAPPY PEOPLE

2008-06-24T22:31:00.003-04:00

So I was looking through my July 2008 Essence magazine (Pg. 107), and as I was flipping through and reading articles (which seems to be the same thing every other month), I came across something great. Since I have been going through my “woe is me” period, I think that this is a perfect way to start incorporating things in my life that will bring happiness. While writing this blog entry (during commercials of the BET Awards – major disappointment by the way) I realize that I am actually doing these things. So why aren’t I happier? Well I have come to the conclusion that I talk a good game, but never practice what I preach. So here goes…..Last result before going to a head doc.

Actually my #1 will be giving all my problems to God and the entry I wrote about on 6/19/08.

1. Hang out with joyful people.
The article suggests finding five POSITIVE interactions for every ONE NEGATIVE interaction. What? How am I going to do that? LOL. Nah it basically means surround yourself with positive individuals. Those who lift you up not let you down.

2. Move consistently toward your goals.
STAY ON THE PATH!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. Meditate on your blessings.
Instead of the “woe is me”, I need to be thankful that I woke this morning because somebody did not!!!

4. Be good to yourself.
Basically eat right (currently going through a 9 day detox – its day 2 and I am needing a piece of meat!!!), exercise (finally started my program so that I can run the 5k for Labor day AND every other Friday I have a YOGA session!!! – I am going to be TOO sexy by my 26th birthday which is September 9th), and mentally (doing this shoot).

5. Connect, connect, and connect.
I think that this is basically number one. It’s just saying surround yourself with people and establish relationships with family and friends.

6. Go to church.
The article states that individuals that go to church (any faith) are happier than people who do not go or go once or twice a month. Now I am not the one to talk about this (I have an opinion on organized religion vs. spirituality – later post), but I say that for the last 2 months I did not attend church and when I stepped into the church last Sunday, I just had this calmness come over me. Now the word was good (mainly directed at the men), but it was just being in the house of the Lord that just made me feel good. Again for a later time.

7. Give—and forgive.
Now this one is a HARD one, I am constantly working on this one. I have a hard time forgiving people who have wrong me. However I was told that if you can not forgive someone, why do you expect God to forgive you of your wrong doing. With that being said, this is a constant battle. Even today at work, I had a bad day and for a minute I considered revenge and I thought about not talking (unless work related) to the individual. However where would that get me? I would be the one miserable, and along with giving power me, she would not even know that I am over at my cube all mad and booted up!!! LOL WOW. The power of the mind.

Made my day!! LOL

2008-06-24T11:30:00.005-04:00

So I think this is sooooo FUNNY!!! I think we all know someone who "switch".

Again..... To funny. I literally was crying. I needed a good laugh like this. My people My people.

Greetings Everyone!!!!!

2008-06-19T23:10:00.002-04:00

Since my last blog entry, God has truly reminded me that it is in Him I MUST live and move. through. Putting my trust into anything or anyone other than Him proves to be unacceptable. I have also realized that in order to truly have a new reality, I have to have a change in outlook. '

By not seeking revenge last weekend and truly ignoring the situation, I gain power over the situation. That was my “revenge” so to speak. I killed them with kindness. I just let it go and concentrated on me and my happiness.

I feel my biggest challenge is not picturing my future, but becoming comfortable with the “right now” and seeing it the way God does. I am trying to look past my circumstances and know that God’s has the finish plan.

With preparing for the LSAT, trying to start a business, and the UNNECESSARY drama, my life was filled with chaos and anxiety. However as of Monday (right after I finished taking the LSAT) I am choosing to visualize my today and future as calm, stimulating and fulfilling.

Friday Evaluation

2008-06-13T07:43:00.002-04:00

If this week wasn't stressful enough, today I hit an all time LOW. Its not even 8am yet!!!! So as I sit at work writing this, trying to hold back tears from the pain that I MYSELF have caused, I feel that I am at my lowest and have nowhere to go but UP.

Nevertheless I am on my way to Louisiana this weekend for Father's Day and to take the LSAT exam. I really hope that my trip will cheer me up, but the root to some of my current pain lives in Louisiana.

How do you guys feel about revenge? I just want someone to feel the pain I am feeling, especially if you cause it. Nevertheless when I go home I am going to try to stay as positive as I can and not resort to any negative behavior. I have to perfect way to get back at this individual, but I am going to try with ALL MY MIGHT not to do it. OHHHHH BUT HOW I WANT TO!!!

If what they say is true.......

2008-06-09T13:36:00.003-04:00

Jay Z and others are always saying the following:

Thirties are the new twenties!

If that is so then I want to be 16 FOREVER because my twenties are kicking my a**!!!!!

Hey everybody!!!

2008-06-08T14:46:00.002-04:00

I am taking 5 steps back yall............Send a pray up for me. PLEASE!!

Black Love

2008-06-05T07:16:00.003-04:00

I notice it as soon as they did it, but Young Black Professional Guide had the picture.

The best day I have had in awhile!!!!

2008-06-01T03:51:00.005-04:00

Before talking about my joyous day, let me just say that on Friday night I went and saw "Sex and the City" and loved it!!!!

So Saturday I went to a crawfish boil and had the time of my life!!! A friend of a friend who is also from Louisiana went back home and purchase 200 pounds of crawfish!!!! MAN......I was eating crawfish from 6 something til damn near 10pm. We did not leave the gathering until 2am. It just felt great to be around individuals who were missing the same things. We just talked about how different and special Louisiana is and how much we miss it. However since Louisiana has a horrible job market, everyone agreed that even though we miss it, we cannot go back.

So there you have it, this day could not have came at a better time.

Things to do this summer

2008-05-30T13:35:00.003-04:00

Being that I am dating myself, here are some things I want to do this summer:

Learn how to play pool better. When I was younger my grandparents owned a nightclub right next door to my house, and me and her (my grandmother) use to hustle men out of there money in pool games. I was really good back then.
Walk a 5K. Lets be honest, that’s all I can really do for now and I have to start somewhere.
Going to TWO concerts with friends (or by myself).
Search myspace and look for independent artists in my area. Because right now radio SUCKS!!!
Since I have reconnect with so many childhood friends through myspace, once a week, contact one and catch up.
At least once this summer, take in a “Movie in the Park” and “Concert in the Park”.
Since I grew up on baseball/softball, I found a park that has a league near me. Now I will not be participating (LOL), but I will attend a game or two.
Go to Stone Mountain and climb the damn mountain.
Go to Six Flags and the water park
Read at least THREE books (pertaining to history)
Go to some “Jazz Night” events.
Go to a reggae bar and meet a man with an accent and just listen to him talk. However I will not exchange phone numbers, just want to live with the fantasy.
Get involve in a spades tournament or just have a spades party.
Learn how to play chess
Go see the play, “The Color Purple” (well I will be doing this in July)

Determing how I feel and why

2008-05-28T23:22:00.003-04:00

So I wrote this last Wednesday and seriously debated posting it because I thought maybe it was to "BLUE" and did not want to write depressing crap. However this is what I felt at the time and this is my journal so to speak. I am feeling particularly down these days (not as bad as that particular day) for no reason at all. I am currently trying to come to terms with why I am feeling this way and do something about it.

Hello all……..

Feel like hearing about my situation? Well here goes:

Today for some strange reason I get to work and start feeling extremely down. I have no reason to feel like this, nothing in particular has happen or is going to happen. So I start wondering, “Why am I sad?” and thinking about reasons gets me more down. Compared to the next guy, you can say I have a pretty good life. Nevertheless there is always someone who is doing worse than you so I cannot really go by that.

At lunch I call my mom to whine and cry to her about it. I express that I am sad and do not know why and I begin to cry. She goes to say that I always get like this and that I should go see someone because I may have a chemical imbalance (I disagree).

Now here I am after work sitting in my church parking lot waiting for Bible Study (in 2 hours) to start (I live 20 mins away and if I were to go home and then come back—I would not come back). I am starting to get my materials out to start working on some practice problems dealing with the LSAT when I come across the notes I took the last time I came to Bible Study.

“Your test/trial will always come at your spiritual promotion”

Ah ha!! So I seat and ponder on that particular statement.

In earlier days where I tried to do better by God, what got me the most were my actions. There were things I just could not shake. However as I grow older, wiser, and closer to God, I see myself not even having a desire to do certain things and not caring what others (such as family, close friends and/or peers) think about it. I had a situation to occur this weekend where (though very painful) I have come to the conclusion that I may have to eliminate someone out of my life because I feel like they are keeping me back from something greater. I have always been the type that if my friend girls were trying to better themselves and wanted to eliminate something from their life, I would respect that and just not go to certain places or do certain things with them. However this particular friend (actually a family member) is not respecting that there are some places and things that I no longer want to be involve in. Its not like I am trying to do it because I know it is not pleasing to Him, literally the desire to go to those places and do those things are not on my heart. For her to not understand that (or care) hurts extremely.

With that being said, I feel that since the devil (and/or evil forces) cannot play on my weakness that way, he is trying to play with my mind!!!! LOL (no seriously). I am developing spiritually and the devil cannot stand it. Nevertheless I am going to continue to pray and give thanks for the many blessings (and I do mean MANY) God has provided me with.

I have came to the conclusion that I may suffer from depression (or this maybe what some people who are going through quarter life crisis go through). Nevertheless I feel that it is a very small form of it.

My question is how does this go with my spirituality? So I am currently trying to figure out:

spiritual growth and depression

having faith vs. depression

I would love to have you guys view/opinion of this.

10 things I want to learn how to do:

2008-05-26T19:55:00.002-04:00

Learn how to write poetry. (is this something you can learn?)
Sew. I think I have an unique style. Its a materialistic (brand whore as my aunt calls it) on a budget, tailored, preppy, hoodtastic, afrocentric look.
Spanish. Reason: I live in Atlanta, there is no other reason.
Japanese. Because I heard its a hard language to learn and I like challenges. Also I want to visit Tokyo for my 30th birthday.
Speaking in public without nearly fainting.
DANCING!!!! Oh my gosh!! I have no rhythm what so ever. Its bad.
Play a piano.
Play a guitar.
Be more patient.
Be a better daughter, sister, cousin, niece, friend, soror.

These were just off the top of my head. Just sitting up here drinking and thinking about stuff.

Did nothing I said I was going to do!!

2008-05-26T19:46:00.000-04:00

I did not do anything I wanted to do this weekend. Meaning I did not lay on my ass and get the rest I needed.

Did I think of something profound and blog about it? LOL. (Had to laugh at that myself)
Did I study? No.
Did I work on my pending business? No.
Did I clean up and read? Nah.
What about exercise, did I do that? Come on now! You know I didn’t.

So what did I do, well I slept in every morning and did the following:
I went out on Saturday night:
First spot – A nice little bar that plays live music on Saturday night. Had a nice meal with great music. Cost: $20.00 (including cover)!!
Second Spot – A great billiard spot downtown with live music on the first floor and a DJ on the second floor. Cost: FREE (no cover and free drinks from 2 lame guys me and my friend met)
GOT A SPEEDING TICKET AT 3AM, 3MINTUES FROM HOME!!!

I went to a Poetry spot on Sunday night and got my “Love Jones” on.
While there (only a $7 cover) from 8pm until 1am, I had a blast. This will become one of my regular spots. I sat there and enjoyed the environment and came to the conclusion that wish I had the talent that they possess. The gift of poetry is truly a blessing from God. OH! I got one of the poets number, but I am not going to call. However it did make me feel good. LOL

Today, I did not do a thing except lay in the bed and look up one of the poets on myspace. Checked ALL my favorite blogs (that takes all day in itself).

No work on Monday! YEAH!!

2008-05-24T00:18:00.004-04:00

What are your plans for this weekend and Monday?

Mine started with getting off work early and watching shows I tivo until I fell asleep. I plan on doing that tomorrow, Sunday, and Monday. Also catching up with cleaning, reading, blogging, studying, and exercising. So basically a really boring weekend. However I am VERY EXCITED about it. I have already told everyone that I am not doing anything, for the last 3-4 weekends my butt been on the go. All I want to do is lay low and chill.

Back from Louisiana and brought back an illness

2008-05-15T03:51:00.003-04:00

Sooo I am back from Louisiana (came back on Monday) and the visit was interesting to say the least. I got to do everything I wanted:

Ate crawfish everyday I was there
Went to a drive thru daiquiri shop and got my favorite -- A LARGE hurricane (was feeling quite right!!)!!!
Ate snowballs everyday (sometimes twice a day)
Just circle blocks in my town in the black "Pre-Lexus" (my 08 Toyota Corolla)

A lot of interesting things happen while I was at home (and of course they involved men) and will definitely discuss them at a later date. However this was the first time that I felt like maybe I was missing out on something by not being at home. Also every night I had the best sleep (even Saturday night when I got in at 5am and woke up at 9am) ever!!!! I was sleeping on the couch! Did not matter, I woke up refreshed, alert, and well-rested. This was great because as of lately I have not been getting the best of rest. Sometime I would not go to bed until sunlight. I do not know what that is all about.

The only issue I have is everyone wanting me to come see them and getting upset when I can not fit them in. Its not that I do not care about you or that I care about someone else more than you, (hell I did not even see my daddy this time) its just that there are so many hours in ONE DAY!!! How about you get up and come see me? Why should I be the one visiting everyone? I am the visitor, come see if I am at my mom's house resting from another drive I took to see someone. Doing all this visiting, I feel like my mom got the shit end of the stick because I really did not spend that much time with her. I was always on the go.

Nevertheless the trip was great and I cannot wait until father's day because that is when I go back. Another weekend of eating crawfish and snowballs and drinking daiquiri.

I brought something back from my trip: SICKNESS!!! I have bronchitis. So Monday morning I woke up with a sore throat and a terrible cough. I literally felt like crying when I need to cough. Nevertheless I went to work on Tuesday and when I got home that evening it was worse. So today I went to the doc and got not one, but TWO shots in my ass!! I also have some horse pills and nasty cough medicine to take.

I debated if I should go back to work tomorrow, but my mama said that I should be passing this on to my co-workers. Since you should never go against your mother's word, I will not be going to work tomorrow either. I think that I should take that Friday off also. They know I am really sick (hell I was there Tuesday so they know that I am not making this up and acting like I am still in Louisiana). I just wished that I would have figured this out Monday and I could have stayed in Louisiana all week and went to the crawfish boil for the high school graduating class on Saturday. Oh well!! I will just rest up and drink plenty of fluids so that I can go see Katt Williams on Saturday.

Thanks for reading this senseless post!

Someone always have something to say

2008-05-05T23:25:00.002-04:00

So I check my blog email today and come upon an email from a fellow "blogger" stating that my blog needs improvement and here are some (or one very important one) suggestions.

"How about you take into consideration blogging about more important issues concerning African Americans and black women? It seems like your blog is going into a direction of being very self centered and you might lose your audience."

First. Thanks for your consideration and/or opinions, but like assholes, EVERYONE HAS ONE.

Second. I am NOT an African American. I am an American who is black (however that is for another post -- check out a wonderful poem by Smokey Robinson below).

Third. My blog is SUPPOSED to be self-centered. It is about ME being 25 and finally realizing that I am a full blown adult, dealing with it and getting comfortable with it. I am looking for individuals who can relate, want to give advice because they been where I am at/going, and give CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Also I think you have to be blessed with the gift to write about certain things. I leave that to the wonderful blogs to my right (blogs that influence me to blog) that I just have to check EVERYDAY.

Fourth. I am not looking to be the most popular blog. I am happy and excited that I have people just looking at it and commenting. This is a perfect avenue for me. I have always had a passion for writing and journaling and this help satisfy both of them.

So fellow "blogger" if you do not like the path my blog is taking, that is okay and please feel free to go elsewhere.

Nevertheless here are TWO YOUTUBE CLIPS, that I think are great discussion starters. Please feel free to check them out and leave a comment.

Tonight is the night!!!!!!

2008-05-04T13:55:00.003-04:00

In about FIVE HOURS I will be in the same room as my man KANYE WEST!!!! Okay, you guys do not understand. I have been going crazy about what to wear (just in case we lock eyes or something) that I have been driving everyone crazy! LOL However nothing but the best for my man (okay let me live in fairytale land for a minute). I think this song is appropriate for this day!

Cannot wait to go home!!!

2008-04-30T00:26:00.002-04:00

The pic speaks for itself. I will be going home (Louisiana) for Mother's day to see mom (of course) and the rest of my fam. However I am really going home because I need to have some crawfish. Dang!!! This is literally my favorite food and I still have not gotten use to them not being here in the Atlanta area. My entire life every weekend (well from February until July) there was a crawfish boil somewhere for me to attend. So lets just say that these last few months have been hard on me. I have had friends and family call and rub it in about eating them. Nevertheless I will literally be eating them Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of that weekend. While some may say that I am over doing it, I am simply saying that I have to get my fix in so I will not be craving them once I come back up here.

Dating MYSELF

2008-04-26T20:48:00.003-04:00

So it is Saturday and I am back at home from my date with myself. Yep I wrote that correctly, I am dating myself. If you saw the youtube clip before reading this, aside from the humor, it was informative (at least for me). I talk a good game to everybody about how I am happy and just concentrating on me, but sometimes it gets hard and today is one of those days. I had to turn lemons into lemonade. I got out of bed, turned the TV off since it is a "no TV day" (will post about later) and commence to cleaning my room and my bathroom (remember that I live with my aunt, so those are the only areas I use). Cleaning was an ALL DAY (well 3 hours) job, and after that I gave myself an "in-home" spa treatment. After the spa, I did my hair like I went to a stylist and applied makeup to my face. Then I put a fly but casual outfit (you know, to look like I really did not try to dress up, but it just looked like I did) and decided to go see a movie, have a drink afterward, and grab a bite to eat. Now this is nothing new, I am not afraid and actually enjoy doing things by myself. However I do not do them on the weekends during "date hours". Nevertheless it was enjoyable and I am planning on have a "date night" with myself once a week or once every other week. I also purposely limited my conversations with female friends today because I know they would have wanted to join me and:

It would have defeated the purpose of going on a date with myself.
It would have turned into a girls night out which would have included talking about men and how much more fun it would have been if men were with us.
They would have gotten on my nerves checking men out, or complaining and whining about couples being mushy or just because they see a couple.

Anyway, the movie "Babymama" was great! 2 thumbs up! Went to a bar and had 2 Lemon drop martinis, and then to Chili's and got a to-go order. Now I am at home fulled and a little buzzed (drunk 2 glasses of wine with my food). To some this may seem pitiful, but actually it made me feel better. I have to practice what I preach!! Yesterday I went to Borders and spent 2 hours there having a blast with all the books (again I am an undercover nerd! LOL) and today I took myself to the movies and out to eat. So I should be sufficient until next weekend.

Next week: Go to a Jazz club!!!

Another one bites the dust

2008-04-22T00:22:00.003-04:00

Since I am talking about individuals I will never get..........

So I am not a big music video person these days. However I was talking to a "old friend" on the phone one day last week and he told me about this singer that I use to have a crush on in high school. He was from the group, "Playa". His name was Stephen "Static Major" Garrett and that he had a song out with Lil Wayne. So of course I "youtube" it and found it. After the video goes off, I see a rest in peace with his brithdate and the day of his DEATH!!! What the hell? He died? So I begin to do my research and this is what I found:

"There have been many different speculations about the death of my brother, Stephen Ellis "Static/Major" Garrett. I write this blog entry to set the record straight. I, also, ask that you direct all to this blog for the truth. I spoke to my sister-in-law, Static's wife, yesterday at the funeral, and she, again, permits me to do this. She, also, wants all to know "the truth in the booth." On the day of February 25th, Static was in Atlanta, and began to feel sick. His desire was to go home (Louisville, Kentucky) to be around family and seek medical attention. He had a virus. I, still, don't know what the name of this virus was, but it was not a life-threatening issue, I do know. This particular virus affects the muscles, throat (quivering of the voice), as well as, causes drooping of the eye. He had no history of illnesses or anything of that nature. Anyone that knows Static, knows that he didn't like hospitals. He suffered the death of his sister in the late 80's, when we first met, and had a conscious or phobia about hospitals. I'm sure he's not the only one. I, now, have that conscious. But, he knew he needed medical attention to become well. When he admitted himself to Baptist Hospital East in Louisville, Kentucky, the doctors presented him with medicine that would treat the virus. The treatment was taking the medicine through a shunt, in the neck, which treats more severe cases of this virus. Quicker than taking pills for days. Though, he didn't want the shunt, the doctors insisted that he treat it this way. The treatment was a form of dialysis to filter the blood of the virus. He called his mom and told her, "Mama, something doesn't feel right. It hurts." When the doctor's were made aware that the shunt was hurting him, they took it out......it was over! When taking the shunt out, they took it out in the wrong manner that resulted in damaging the artery. He bled to death! They killed my brother, his wife's husband, his kids' father, his mom's son, and the world's musical inspiration. His death was ruled "accidental". He didn't have to die! But, I will say this. In situations like these, I feel that it was time to go home. And, it's not our decision on whether or not to stay. There is one thing that's guaranteed in this life, and that is, we all have to die, in some point and time, and in some way or another. The moral of this story is do not put off for tomorrow what u could do today! Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised! Do whatever it is that you have to do and whatever it is that you want to do TODAY! I will be writing more on Static/Major, due to the fact that I, regardless, am highly upset and disappointed in Baptist Hospital East and their procedures on Monday, February 25, 2008."
- Smoke Digglera (former Playa bandmate, from his myspace page)

So in memory my old crush....here is "Cheers 2 U" BUT youtube will not let me get it. Sooo here is his last song with Lil Wayne.

Just my imagination

2008-04-21T23:45:00.005-04:00

I am in love with Kanye West. It is true and I will elaborate on it later. Nevertheless it is sad to say (but not really) that I am happy that he is single again. I know I know, I am pitiful. Maybe, just maybe when I go to his concert on the 4th he will notice me. Now I will not be like all the other groupies jumping on him. NO! I will be the one being to myself and he will notice and think I am a challenge. Once we start a conversation he will realize that I am a highly intelligent and ambitious woman. He will then express how even though he just broke off his engagement, that he want to pursue something deep and profound with me!!!! Ahhhhh wouldn't that be great?!! LOL LOL Got to speak these things into existence!!!

This song explain my love for him and his music perfectly! Gotta Love Erykah, my fellow Gramblinite!!!!

Can I ask you something?

2008-04-20T00:58:00.002-04:00

If your boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend, who would you be more mad at?

I was asked this by a friend guy tonight. Well my answer was simple.

Would not matter because I will kill them both!!!! LOL

My madea always said, "Keep women out of your relationships. They do not need to know the good and/or bad".

If they know the good, then they want to experience it themselves, and if they know the bad then they will always judge the individual.

Thats it.

April's Book of the Month

2008-04-19T16:56:00.008-04:00

10 Good Choices that Empowers Black Women's Lives
By Grace Cornish

I read this book (the first time) the summer before my sophomore year in college. I was in my first “young adult” relationship, and it was going okay (who would have known he would dump me on my birthday 3 months later!!!!). Nevertheless I joined Black Expressions and picked the book, “10 Good Choices that Empowers Black Women’s Lives” by Grace Cornish.

So I was looking through my old books (trying to establish my own library) and came across this one. I think everything happens for a reason and truly feel like I came across this book (again) at the perfect time. This is a follow up book to her first one entitled, “10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women's Lives”. Since I am trying to NOT focus and write about negative things so much, I would rather focus on empowering one’s self. Here is where “10 Good Choices” comes in.

First and importantly, it is helping empower me in the areas I am working on currently which is feeling beautiful, going for what I want, stop feeling that anyone (Kanye West – that’s another post) or anything seemed out of reach. This is not one of those quick fix books, but rather guide to achieving life success. Right now I am in transition to becoming a better child of God and understanding how I can do that in this world I live in. This book helps tremendously.

Here are the 10 steps:

Embracing the Skin You're In

Accepting "Better Love," Not "Bitter Love"

Making Money Work for You

Turning Stumbling Blocks into Stepping Stones

Avoiding "the Only Fly in the Buttermilk" Thinking

Trusting Your Own Intuition

Taking Calculated Chances, Not Idle Ones

Giving Stress a Perpetual Rest

Rewriting Your Life's Script

Using Your "Praying Energy" for "Staying Energy"

Can we talk about something else?

2008-04-13T23:37:00.004-04:00

Do we have to (please excuse my french) f**king talk about men every time we get on the phone? I am sooooo tired of talking about them. We are all educated sisters with plenty going on in our lives, but it seems like every time I call a close friend or they call me, we end up talking about them (men). Why? Its not going to change anything. It is getting to the point to where I do not want to talk to them because THAT'S ALL WE EVER TALK ABOUT. I try to change the subject, but somehow we get right back on it. I am trying to just concentrate on me, and I feel if I keep myself busy that I will not think about men and the issues (or lack of having a man) concerning them. Do I have to be reminded everyday that I am single? You do not have to tell me that you are unhappy single, I KNOW!!! Yes, "friend" I know its hard finding a good man. No "friend" I do not know why we keep getting deadbeats portraying themselves as men. Nevertheless you have to be the good friend and sit there and listen and be supportive because probably I was the one bitching about it last week. LOL!! Lets talk about:

Politics
Fashion (there are these "high waisted jeans" from Levi and Guess that I want so bad!!)
TV
Our friendship
Careers
Memories
Spirituality
Fitness
Establishing a time to meet up or get together
Anything else other than MEN!!!!!

So I am going to try something new this week, whenever I talk to a girlfriend, I will not mention men at all. If they mention men, I will give them five minutes of convo on this subject and change it. If they try to come back to it, I am going to inform them that I am tired of talking about men (because we are basically talking a particular incident that we have over analyzed for the past couple of days, weeks, months, and sometime years) and if we cannot talk about something else I am getting off the phone. Time to start showing these girls/women (and myself) TOUGH LOVE!!!

I'M I BEING TO HARD/MEAN?

My Vision

2008-04-13T22:06:00.004-04:00

So above is my vision board. This basically means these are the things/goals/dreams that I wish to obtain and/or accomplish. Its from the smallest silliest pleasure (perfume --so not in my budget!!) to of course my ultimate career goal of graduating from law school and becoming a business owner. Being that I have been really down in the dumps (hence why I have not been posting on a daily basis) I needed something to continue to drive me. I truly believe in talking things into existence. So I think about it, visualize it, talk about it, and work towards it. Now all I need to accomplish is PATIENCE. Even though I know that things worth having does not come over night. I still feel like I am not moving forward. Nevertheless I advise EVERYONE to make a vision board (I actually think I am about to make another one) and post it somewhere you can see it everyday (mine is on the back of my bedroom door). See it everyday is a constant reminder of what I need/want to do!!

Have you kept up with your commitments (resolutions) so far?

2008-03-30T05:00:00.004-04:00

I know that many of us own vehicles, so you know that after a certain mileage (my warranty information says every 5000 miles) we have to change our oil. If you are wondering what oil has to do with commitments and resolutions, well…….

Since April will be here in any minute, it is time for me to check and see how I am doing with regards to the commitments I posted earlier this year. I need to (and you to if you made commitments/resolutions) go through and see where I am at with them and to let go of negative ideals, decisions, and people I have obtain this first quarter of the year.

Lets start with determining if I have added negative ideals, decisions, and people into my life. NO!! (Confession – maybe a bad choice or two when it came to men!)

Now that I have that out the way, lets get to the commitments.

Stop living to please other people. This one I am being tested on currently. I am trying to not care what they (meaning family mostly) think and continue to live a life that makes me happy, but……. Basically I still need to work on this one. I purposely did not tell anyone except an extremely few that I was taking on the task of applying to law school. I have enough things to worry about so I do not need anyone telling me I cannot do it or telling me I told you so if I do not get accepted. A major example is me not telling my fam and friends about my blog. Well they know about it, but I will not give them the site. I know that if they were to read it, I would censor my posts and that’s not fair to me or my readers.

Bringing positive people in my life and eliminating the negative ones. I feel like I have accomplished this task successfully. It’s to the point where I am now (thanks to Nerd Girl) trying to be more positive myself. When someone asks me how I am doing, instead of focusing on the negative, find something positive to say. However if I have nothing positive to say, just say I AM DOING GREAT!

Always have something new and big on your agenda. Lets see………..I can safely say that this is going well also. Career path – CHECK! Hobbies – CHECK! Training for my marathon – NOT YET

Never live in the past. Also a work in progress. I have learned to forgive individuals who have wronged me, but I still cannot forget nor stop feeling the pain they have caused me. This makes me feel even worse because I need to learn how do you forgive and let go. This is something that I pray about daily. However I do know that I have made progress. TRUST.

I am getting better at living life and learning to appreciate this stage (chapter) of my life!

The LSAT is less than 90 days away!!!!!!

2008-03-30T03:46:00.004-04:00

JUNE 16, 2008. I have less than 90 days left before I take an exam that will make or break my chances into getting into law school. I am planning to study 3 days a week and every other weekend until it is time for the exam. Next Saturday I am schedule to take a practice exam and after the exam they will provide me with the score, my weak areas, and suggestions to obtain a higher score. There are several preparation courses out there, but I do not have $500 - $1000 to give to them. Even though my job is willing to reimburse me, I do not have the money upfront (sad but true). I am just blessed that I have a job that is willing to pay for me to take a test to see IF I can get into law school, much less extremely bless because they are willing to pay for me to take a preparation course for the test. I feel like they can see the potential in me and willing to invest the time and money for me to obtain a higher degree.

I personally see it as a win - win situation. They invest the money and resources in me so that once I receive my law degree, I can become a staff attorney and give them a number of years of employment. I see me benefiting from this because:

I am securing myself job security at a job I presently love going to (even though some new management get on my nerves).

I will be working under (and I hope she writes one of my recommendation letters) one of the only ladies in the franchise law arena.

I will be gaining tons of experience in the corporate world and in three to four different areas of law. (franchise, contracts, trademarks, real estate)

So I think that everyone will win in this matter!!!! Please wish me luck!!! I will keep you updated.

Again here I go being M-I-A

2008-03-21T14:29:00.006-04:00

Hello everyone,

WARNING: This post will most likely be everywhere because basically my mind is!

I know I been M-I-A for a couple of weeks, but I just been trying to get everything in my life on a well thought-out path. I feel I am trying to do too much at one time, and now I am working on getting everything in an organized motion so that I will not get overwhelmed. So I am working a full time job, trying to obtain a part-time job, study for the LSAT, self bible study, exercise, and write my blog. I know some may think that this is nothing or I am just whining, but there is only 24 hours in a day. We sleep 8 (at least that what I am suppose to sleep) hours away, work 9 (maybe more depending on my mood), and then we have my 2-3 hour a day work commute. That leaves me with 3-4 hours during the weekday to do everything else. With all this activity I should not have the time to even consider thinking about a man, or my lack of having a man. Nevertheless I do, a lot, no all the time, no ALL DAY EVERYDAY!! I have too much going on and here I go wanting a man. I need to be focusing on the process of finding myself and making sure I know myself, but how can I do that if I cannot get wanting a man out of my mind. Maybe it is because all my close friends are going through the same thing and that’s all we talk about. So bear with me while I try to clear my mind and get the thought out of my head that I want a man. I am a work in progress!!

Here is a poem that expresses how I feel exactly:

I said that 2008 would be the year that I find myself; concentrate on not worrying about others and their impression/view of me, and achieving the goals that I set forth for myself. With April coming up and a quarter of the year behind us, I feel like I am doing well and I am on a good path. However I know that I am work in progress.

Right now this is the song that I have on repeat:

Rejection

2008-03-06T20:33:00.002-05:00

I consider myself a God-fearing, motivated, ambitious, and goal driven individual. Nevertheless due to certain circumstances that have happened in my life (good and bad), I am now prone to procrastination. I plan everything I set out to do (yes I am truly anal like that) to the very "tee". Meaning day to day, month to month, year to year. I have been doing this since the summer before my freshman year of high school. I had a pretty good track record too. I complete everything I set forth in doing that I put on my "To-Do List for Life".

I went to the college I wanted to go, made the GPAs I set forth to obtaining, planned what semester to get a car, planned what semester to move off campus, to join my sorority, and planned to graduate early from college to rest and get prepared for my ultimate goal in life. The goals that I mention—ACCOMPLISHED.

Nevertheless the ultimate goal has yet to be "accomplished".

Completing law school.

Have you ever worked extremely hard to get somewhere and when you made it there you wondered why am I here?

Rejection.

I was afraid to move, to succeed at what I worked for, for as long as I could remember due to fear of failure and rejection.

Initially, when I thought about my history it didn't make sense to me. How can I be afraid of rejection when, on most accounts, I haven't experienced it? After digging a little deeper I realized that I've seldom experienced rejection, not because I'm so grand or anything like that, but because I'd never put myself out there long enough to be rejected.

Well I was rejected (flunking out of law school) in a sense, by my own doing. This has haunted me now for almost 4 years. The situation handicapped me. I became one of those individuals that I always talked about: a person who stays in the same element because they are scared of change.

If I'm honest, even now there are so many things that I've been "planning" to do that leave me feeling vulnerable to rejection. And it seems like the higher the stakes, the greater the feeling of vulnerability. But I know that it's necessary. Know that staying in the safe place can stifle growth. If you ever want to increase your faith, step out on nothing, meaning expect nothing to come from it. Move when God tells you to; even when you're uncertain of the outcome. Push past the fear. So I when I came to this milestone in my life: my 25th birthday, I am learning what is important in my life. One way is by eliminating the negativity and individuals who brings these negative forces in my life. I had to shed the "To do list for life" binder (yes it was worth needing a binder for-LOL), and just made a list of things that I wanted to work towards and accomplished. I know you are saying, "Isn't this the same thing?" HOWEVER this list does not have a time frame on it, and it does not run my life like the binder did. If it happens it happens and if it does not, it does not. There will not be any break downs if something does not happen according to my plan. Truthfully it is suppose to happen according to God's plan. I have truly learned this matter and my life is finally starting to come in place because of it.

The very rejection I feared dealing with flunking out of law school manifested in me for years. And guess what, I lived! Not only did I live, but God closed that door, and I truly feel because He is going to open up a greater one. Hallelujah. As crazy as it sounds to me, I thank God that He allowed me to experience rejection and failure. I hope you get rejected and/or fail too (smile). I'm serious, I hope hearing someone say 'No' motivates you to soar, and reach for better. Why settle for ground level, when God is calling you higher? Turn that rejection into fuel. If you are anything like me, it will only stir your persistence.

I am currently studying for the LSAT and will apply to law school for Fall 2009. I know that I flunking out was not because I could not do it, but it was because I was scare of what the future would bring. I kept wondering was I good or smart enough to be here with the rest of the individuals. I did not have enough confidence in me nor God for that matter, and that is just a recipe for disaster.

P.S. The "Ulimate Goal' will eventually go to the accomplished list....IF it is according to God's plan.

Thanks everyone for reading this and I hope it helps you in some way.

Book of the Month

2008-03-06T19:40:00.005-05:00

Girl, get your MONEY Straight!!!

During my last year of college when I realize I ruin my credit, I started searching for material to help me become financially savvy. The first book I found was called “Girl, get your money straight” by Glinda Bridgforth. Glinda wrote in plain English and made it easy for me (a beginner at the time) to comprehend. Once I decided that it was time to change my financial life, I found that this book was necessary in helping me along in my journey. While reading the book (I have had the book since late 2003 – so I have read it several times), I realized that it is not about having money, but not allowing myself to be responsible for what I could do to solve my money problems. The steps Glinda suggest are very clear and can be easily applied for anyone who truly is tired of living in debt. Through the years, I have applied (successfully and unsuccessfully) the steps and even though I have yet to truly see the benefits (because of my own neglect), I know at the end of the day, following her advice in the book will lead me to financial independence.

The book outlines seven financial prescriptions that will guide you step by step to financial security.
1. Setting goals that speak to your heart.
2. Learning to balance a checkbook and knowing your net worth.
3. Developing a spending plan.
4. Track and Analyze your spending.
5. Pay off debt with discipline – deprivation.
6. Save consistently without being a Miser.
7. Get the support and expert advice you need.

I am not going to go through the book in detail for the reason that I really recommend that you purchase it because it is a great book to have for your library. Also she incorporates spiritual guidance to help you through fixing your finances. We all know that even after learning that we need to change fix our financial status; it is really a mental thing. She suggests that we not only set financial goals, but also emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and physical. We have to have a balance in order for us to truly be financially debt free.

100 views!!

2008-03-04T14:35:00.006-05:00

I have had 100 views on my blog!!!! Now 30-50 of the views my have came from me viewing it, but it also means that 30-50 people (or maybe some of you have view it a couple of times!! LOL) have came and visited my blog! Thank you!!!

I started almost 2 months ago and have yet to regret it. I know my blog is different and does not have the following that some of my favorite blogs have, but I hope that the ones who do come across it, enjoy it and get something out of it. Again......

THANKS!!!!!!!

Getting into Healthy Financial Shape

2008-02-27T21:45:00.003-05:00

Along with keeping my commitments, I am also using this year to officially get my finances in order. Now I have always considered myself a financial savvy individual, but even with the knowledge, I could not use it because I never had stable employment. With that being said, I think my college years were my best financial times. This is because I always had money. I worked part time for a major fast food company, a work-study program on campus, and last but surely not least (literally) there was Sallie Mae. Oh my gosh! I was never without money in my pockets and this was before I even discovered credit cards. However my down fall occurred when I did discover credit cards.

My freshman and sophomore year in college, I PURPOSELY chose not to obtain credit cards. I did not have a lot of knowledge about them except that I kept hearing that they were bad for college students. I lived on campus so I did not have living expenses and with my part time job, student loan check, and monthly check from my work-study job, I had quite a few dollars in my pocket. Nevertheless my parents felt that it was necessary for me to have at LEAST ONE credit card in case of emergencies and/or they could not send and/or give me money in a timely fashion. Even when I acquired the first credit card, I did not use it for the first 6 months.

Oh but when I did and I got a taste of it, everything has been down hill ever since. After the first credit card, I was offered a Wal-Mart card. I figured I was going to need it since I basically lived there anyway because that’s where I brought all my items such as personal needs, supplies, and food. Next was another major credit card. I figured I will use this one for really big items (crazy). Then was the Shell gas card, and of course I needed this one. This card was supposed to be for trips back home to visit my family (I went to college 4 hours away). Instead it was used for everything. Let’s not forget that I had to have the Old Navy and JCPenny card. The reasons for those two cards I cannot remember, but I am pretty sure (100%) that it was for clothes.

So in one year I obtained SIX CREDITS CARDS.

Everything was going fine until I took a summer off from school and thought I was to good to work at the local fast food place in my hometown (what was I thinking!!). All school year I was on it with the minimum payments and my little budget, but it was not until June, July, and August, that I got into a jam. However instead of calling the credit card companies and explaining to them the situation and setting up other payment options, I TOTALLY IGNORED THEM. Even when I went back to school, I felt like I was so far behind in payments (again here was another chance I could have called), that there was no way to catch up. So you know what I did? Let them go into collections and then get charged off. Yep.

So my dad asked me about my credit card (they thought I still had the first one only) and I inform him of everything, and then he stated something so profound (at least at that moment in time). “Why would you get SIX credit cards when the first one could do the same thing all the rest of them did?” Now I knew that, but I did not think of it that way. So I am in my last year of college and messed up my credit. Now I could have right then and there said, “I am going to move back on campus and use the money that I am using to pay rent and utilities, to pay off debt.” However I was too worried about how it would look with me moving back on campus. So I just stuck it out, and said I would get to it one day. On the other hand this experience did drive me to learn (and I mean really learn) about budgeting, debt, credit reports and scores, and basically everything dealing with the matter of having a healthy financial situation. I consumed every issue I could find of Black Enterprise (I am a subscriber currently – and clip the articles that I find useful), read and put in my favorites’, every website pertaining to debt and/or debt repair. Bought every Suze Orman (along with watching/TiVo her show every Saturday) and Glinda Bridgforth wrote. So now with my knowledge, I was ready to apply it. However almost five years (since graduating college) has gone by and I am greatly/sadly able to say I can finally apply it. I am settled in my new position and making the necessary steps I need to make to improve my credit. My goal is to be completely debt free (with the exception of Sallie Mae and my car loan) summer of 2009. The estimated total is $10,000.00. That amount includes credit cards, misc. debt, hospital bills, and etc. Can not go into my LATE twenties with bad credit!!!

Next………”Girl get your money straight” by Glinda Bridgforth

Oh my gosh!! There is a show about my blog!

2008-02-26T22:23:00.003-05:00

Sorry about being M-I-A, but I have been getting some things in my life in order (you will hear all about them later). Nevertheless as I were laying in bed watching "Biggest Loser", NBC announce that a new show was coming on next. The show is called "Quarter life" and it is basically about a girl and her friends that are in their mid-twenties!!! The girl has a blog that she writes and uploads videos discussing her life and the lives of her friends. I mean she is telling all of their business.

Now I think that I am going to like the show, because in its simplest form, I agree and I am currently going the same issues and circumstances. The real question is since the writers strike is over, how long will the show stay on? Will the show even get an audience?

Disclaimer

2008-02-16T01:39:00.000-05:00

I am kind of hesitate to write about this subject, but isn’t this what my blog is for? To discuss and let out my issues, ideals, and things that is important to me. The purpose for my blog was to post my transition into becoming a full blown mature woman. I am at a point in my life today I think, “Whew that hurdle is over, lets move on to the next task I need to complete in order to feel like I am sure of myself.” However a couple of days maybe weeks later, I am back to acting or feeling the same way. So it is like I take two steps forward and sometimes three to four steps back. Venturing into the unknown is very scary and exciting. I cannot wait to see what is in store for me, but I am so scared to leave my past. On my journey/transition into full responsible adulthood, I am becoming more spiritual (actually a lot more). My life is centering on my growing relationship with God. I am seeing that a lot of posts will also center on God, but I do not want to come across “preachy-like”. Outwardly in the real world, I am not like that, so I do not want it to come off like that. Even though I am not the same person I was before becoming serious spirituality, I am no where near where I should be. I still have a lot of work to do on myself. I still curse (a lot--to much), gossip, look, listen, and sometimes where inappropriate material. So I hope that when I come here to post and I am having a spiritual moment and needing to share because I know someone maybe going through the same things, I do not come across as a hypocrite. In the words of Steve Harvey, “God is not through with me yet!” THANKS!!

Being single for Valentine's Day

2008-02-13T21:15:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. A perfect scenario is having someone special that will surprise you with chocolates, teddy bears, and/or flowers. Maybe even provide you with some jewelry. However the ones without someone (me) will be reminded that we do not have anyone to share this special day with. Before continuing:

WARNING: THIS POST WILL NOT BE A PITIFUL “I’M ALONE” POST.

So what I do not have a “boo” or “man” to receive flowers from. So what I will not be having a candlelit dinner with someone special. So what I will not receive a card telling me how special I am and how much love they have for me!!!! SO WHAT!! LOL!!

WARNING: MAYBE I AM A LITTLE BITTER.

NEVERTHELESS

In a weird (plus I know it is not right) way, I feel good knowing that I am not the only one in this predicament. I know several females, my age, younger and some quite older that are in the same boat as I. However I am (I cannot speak for them) not going to let a commercialized day have me make wrong decisions. This means that I will not let Valentine’s drive me to interacting with “Mr. Wrong”.

Some maybe wondering where I am going with this, so here goes. I know a lot of single females that intentionally set out to find ANY MAN to get with for just this particular day. Just so they can say that they were not alone on Valentine’s Day. Just so they will not feel empty and go through the whole mental anguish (because that’s all it is) of wondering what is wrong with them and why they do not have a man. So these women (and I at one time) basically settle.

EXAMPLE: Say you have been getting to know (kicking it) a gentleman (man, dude, some women – boy) for a couple weeks (met him or he decided to call after Christmas) and Valentine’s Day is coming up. You like wow finally I will have someone for V-Day. Nevertheless he is ---maybe not your type physical wise. He does not have a job and living off his mama OR maybe even another woman. However you are so desperate for a body that you settle for someone who you know is not the one or good enough for you.

DON’T SETTLE!!

Just because it is V-Day, it those not mean you should call up or answer the phone for “Mr. He-will-do”. You know he gets on your nerves, but just so you will not be lonely, just because you do not have patience to wait for God to bring the right one in your life, you settle.

Now the good Word says be careful or anxious for nothing, but with prayer let your requests be made known to God. Now after doing this, we must (at least we should be doing this) be at peace for what we prayed for (in regards to this post – a man), trust Him and wait on His timing. Not yours. Instead of chasing after a man, how about chasing after Him (trust I am trying that now). Trust I know that this is easier said then done because I have my weak days also. I know we get lonely and sometimes feel like God is taking to long (be quick and ask for forgiveness for even thinking like that!! LOL).

If you are asking God for that special someone first know that he is not coming over night. Second, maybe the reason God has not brought the “special one” into your life is because you yourself is not worthy of him. Is all your ducks in a row? Let’s say God brings the man of your dreams to you, will you be the woman of his dreams? We (at least me and my girlfriends) are always crying about finding a good man and a good man coming along, but we ourselves have so much baggage that we truthfully do not even need a man in our lives right now PERIOD. Some of us need to be doing right spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially before bringing a man in our life. How about we get our ducks in a row and make God the most important man (person) and I promise you He will bring you all that you desire and more!!!

I will just like for you to know (I have no doubt that you already know this) that God loves you and He knows the desires of your heart. However He simply desires for you (and me) to put all our energy that we use to find a “man” into a desire for Him. So since I am talking the talk, I am going to walk the walk and let God be my Valentine (I know I am corny).
So single women, if no one tells you happy Valentine’s Day here goes:

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!

I will be gone till November (Election)

2008-02-07T23:02:00.000-05:00

At first I was posting on the campaign and giving updates. However the situation is crazy. None of the candidates are talking about hard core issues. I am tired of hearing the same thing over and over again on every news channel. If I had to go by what the media decides I need to hear, GOSH I would be a lost soul. I am so tired of not getting hard core statements of how they are going to make this country different and/or better. I do not need to be reminded everyday that Barack is black. He was black yesterday, he is black today, and he is going to be black tomorrow. I know how important it is in this election and I am extremely happy, but I do not want him to become president just because he is (half) black. Same thing goes with Hillary. Can someone say anything about the programs, tax cuts (if any) that they are planning to implement. ANYTHING!! I guess I am getting frustrated because I know that everyone is not like me and will not look for information about each candidate (democratic or republican) on their own. They are depending on the media, who is treating the candidates like high school cliques, for their information. Plus being a black woman, people give you the "So are you going to vote for the WOMAN or BLACK MAN?" NO! I am going to vote for the PERSON who can cater to the issues I feel need to be addressed. With that being said, I will not post anything political (unless something juicy happens and I want to give my two cents) until the Convention or even in November when I work and we find out who is President. Below is a youtube clip that I want them to address for me.

Just Voted

2008-02-05T18:36:00.000-05:00

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I just came from voting and I feel great knowing that I am about to be apart of history!! Vote or Die!! If this youtube offends you.........Sorry........I think.

Commitments to living my life to the fullest

2008-02-04T22:32:00.000-05:00

For about the last 4-5 years, every year I have had “New Year’s Resolutions”. Every one of those years, maybe by day 4 or 5 (or less) I have either stopped doing it/them or I have never even started on it/them. With that being said, last year after again not following through with my resolutions, I decided to STOP MAKING THEM!!! LOL!! This year instead of making resolutions, I have made commitments. The following is the commitments I promise to live by. These commitments do not need a start and end date. Whenever you decide in your mind and heart to start, will be the day your life will change forever. It is just February and I am seeing major changes already. However not all changes feel good at first, but knowing that you are making the right decision for your future makes it easier (at least for me) to stick to your guns.

1. Stop living to please other people.

This means in my life, I have to stop worrying about certain parts of my family and their opinions of me. I do not feel like I am a disappointment to them, but I do believe that they are still viewing me as a child and they feel like I need their input on every aspect of my life. It is time for me to do what I feel is best for my life and stop worrying about how its going to make them look to other people. It is like they only want me to do good (regardless of my feelings or happiness) so they can brag on me to others, which at the end of the day makes them look (and our family) good in other people eyes. Now none of them had innocent backgrounds, but they just assume that me I am suppose to live this cookie cutter life and never do wrong. I am far from innocent and I have PLENTY of skeletons in my closet, but am I suppose to be ashamed about it? So basically I am going to stop putting effort into things that make them happy because they are the only ones benefiting from them.

2. Bringing positive people in my life and eliminating the negative ones.
With this commitment, it has been much easier than I thought it would be. I simply prayed to God to eliminate all individuals who were not doing me any good. I also prayed that He bring in like-minded Christian individuals. Some of the negative individuals who I had to cease communication with were family members and close associates. It just comes a time where you need to make changes and adjustments. People do not need to be in your life only because they have ALWAYS been there. For instance the friend/family member who only calls when they need you, but some how is never around when you need them. How about the person who only like you when something is going wrong in your life, but is always frowning up or not calling back when you have good things to say? Then you have the ones who put you down so that they can feel good about themselves. I have been and will continue to surround myself around individuals who care and support me in my good and bad times. I was always told that you look at your 5 closest friends, and if you are doing better than all of them, it is time to get some new friends.

3. Always have something new and big on your agenda.
Well this is just a perfect commitment for me. Being that I organize everything, I have so many plans. As far as my career, I want to gain two promotions in 5 years (highly obtainable where I work) and hopefully in the next 5 to 10 years, own several rental properties and at least 2 businesses. Now some people feel like this is a lot and love to tell me that I am over my head. Well those are some of the individuals who had to be let go. I just learned that some things have to be shown and not told about. As with my hobbies, there are so many. I think learning is a life long continuing process. So currently I am studying the Bible and the historical origins from where it comes from. This was a struggle at first because of the contradictions, but I had to learn to use the Bible in two ways, academically and personal relationship. Also I am self studying our history, meaning complete world history in a chronological order. As you can see 2008 is bringing out my inner nerd. However can you know where you are going, if you do not know where you come from? Lastly, I will like to run a marathon so this year is all about training for it. I love looking forward to milestones and events, they stimulate me. This is because it gives me a reason to get out of bed and it increases my desire to work towards my goals. Actually putting wheels into motion makes me feel better and excited to keep it up.

4. Never live in the past.
This was and is the most difficult one. I have not been in a serious relationship in 4 years. I am learning to stop dwelling on what would have happened if I had forgave him. Even though in my hearts of hearts I know he was not the one and we were just kids. Also I have to forgive myself on giving up and not finishing law school. Sometimes I think I am over it, but then I talk to friends and old regrets set in. It’s hard because I have to be truly happy for individuals who have my dream, but this is for another post. Lastly and most important is the ability to get past childhood issues I have with a certain person who was in my life at that time. I have carried the hate in me for so long that it is all I know when it comes to feeling that way about the individual and situation. It has defined my life when it comes to men, trusting individuals, and being able to show affection and love to others. However right now I am focusing on the here and now and what I need to do to move forward. This commitment will have to be looked at again continually through out the year.

So with all of that being said, I am learning to take care of myself emotionally (spiritually). Taking care of myself emotionally means living in a way that makes me feel inspired, hopeful, self-confident, playful, loving and in touch with what I care about the most. I received an email today stating Guidelines to live by in 2008. It was basically different quotes to help you open your mind, think, and have a better year than last year. However the very last quote got to me, “First I was dying to finish high school and start college. Then I was dying to finish college and start working. Then I was dying to marry and have children. Then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I go back to work. Then I was dying to retire. NOW I AM DYING AND SUDDENLY I REALIZED THAT I FORGOT TO LIVE!!” I truly do not want that to be me and I see that this was the path I was taking. I want to appreciate each stage I encounter and enjoy them day by day to the fullest. By the commitments above, I feel I have a pretty good chance of living my life to the fullest.

Sorry for the long post!!!

25 is not old

2008-02-04T01:48:00.000-05:00

So I am talking to my little sister on the phone (she is 16) and she calls me old!!!! OK, maybe 25 is not old, but it feels kinda weird to say "I'm 25." Turning 25 also allows me to do a couple things I couldn't do before. Like I can now rent a car and not pay a fee and I can run for office. That's about it. If there are other 25-year-old privileges, please let me know so I can exercise those new rights!

Thanks

Black History Month

2008-02-01T00:13:00.000-05:00

Hello all

It is officially BLACK HISTORY MONTH.
How will you celebrate it? Watch a couple of old black movies?

How about doing something different? Such as starting a book club with young teens/tweens and discussing topics concerning blacks.

Just an option......

My (last) two cents

2008-01-31T21:12:00.000-05:00

I just want to have a moment to vent about Uncle Sam. DANG!!!! Why why why must you take all my money through out the year and then when I get all excited about getting a refund, you take that too!!!!! Man, just when I think that I was going to use that money to get a month ahead on all my bills so that I can start saving to get my own place by summer. Now I am just like the rest of the country, two checks away from being homeless (well not homeless since I am staying with relatives, but yall get what I am saying).

All I ask is that I am included in the money they will be issuing out this summer (if congress does not block it).

QUESTION: Can anyone give me creative suggestions/ideals on part time jobs?

Today's Quote

2008-01-25T21:08:00.000-05:00

I freed thousands of slaves. I could have freed thousands more, if they had known they were slaves.
-Harriet Tubman

This quote is still relevant today for my generation and younger. Sorry for so few posts, but I have so many thought and feelings I want to share, that it is hard organizing and posting them. However I promise to do better. To be truthful I do not even know if individuals are reading this, but nevertheless nothing happens over night. Stay tune..........

2008 Presidential Election Part Two

2008-01-21T19:07:00.000-05:00

In the Michigan Republican election, Mitt Romney won. With beating John McCain, this gives Romney campaign some life, and maybe a chance. There have been three different winners in the Republican race (Huckabee, McCain, and now Romney). This is going to make it hard for them to pick a primary candidate.

In the Nevada Democratic election, Hillary Clinton prevailed again. Next up for the Hillary, Obama, Edwards, etc. is the South Carolina election on January 26. This will be interesting because of the state’s high African Americans voting percentage.

In the South Carolina Republican election Saturday, Mike Huckabee conceded John McCain.

Republican candidate, Duncan Hunter, has withdrawn from the race.

Celebrating MLK --Did you have to go to work?

2008-01-21T18:19:00.000-05:00

Since obtaining my new job, I have had no complaints. However once I learned that we did not get to have MLK Day off, I was a little upset to say the least. I kept thinking, "I thought this company was more diverse than this." Well after overhearing a majority of our people make comments such as, "Man! I could be at home washing! or "I could have slept in today.", it made me realize that having the day off was not a good ideal. If you are not going to reflect on why we are celebrating this great man, then come to work. However I just feel that this day is not meant for having a day off at work. It should motivate you to start a conversation, help out our people who is less fortunate, and just reflect on how far we have come and how far we have to get in order to be the dream he talked about.

Quote of the day

2008-01-15T22:27:00.000-05:00

This morning like every morning I am at work with my headphones on listening to “Steve Harvey in the Morning” show. One of Steve’s guests was Denzel Washington and he was discussing the movie, “The Great Debaters” and his children. Mr. Washington stated that there is a line in the movie that he himself put there that he always says to his children. This statement is as followed:

“Do what you got to do, to do what you want to do.”

Now mind you, this statement may not be profound to anyone else nor have the $100 words (as my grandma called them) in it. It was just a simple statement that woke something up in me. Being a college graduate who finally found a “real life/corporate/what her degree is in” job, I am now in the position to get myself together financially. However let’s say that Uncle Sam is really getting his fair share and me having to purchase a new car (a whole other post in its self), it seems like I make the salary of a fast food worker. Being that I just moved to the area and have been blessed to live with a relative until I get on my feet, I do not understand how Uncle Sam can take all my money. I know the more money you make (and being single with no dependents), the more money they get, but gosh!!! I move up 10k in salary and all I see is $200 or a little more in my checks every month.

With paying Sallie Mae, car note, car insurance, private student loan, cell phone, credit cards (went crazy in college and paying the consequences now), and misc debt, I have none left to save to get on my feet. This leads me to this conclusion:

I need to get a part time job.

The only problem is (or was since this morning) that I have been very picky about what type of job it is, the days and times I can work. I keep saying that I have to have a personal life and plus I am doing a lot of things to establish myself and start my company. HOWEVER I cannot do anything that I just mention if I do not have any money left over to do it with. As far as having a personal life – never been a club person, but lets just say that going to a HBCU and joining my sorority, I have had my fair share of fun. Also right after getting out of college I made up for anytime that I wasted on this thing called studying in college. So we can safely say that this is not a good excuse. Next there is this thing as starting a business. How can I start a business or get prepared to do it with NO CAPITAL?

As of this morning, there will be no excuses. If that means working every night and missing my favorite television shows (that is what I have TiVo for) and weekends, so be it!!! I have to do what I have to do, to do what I want to do. What are a couple months to a year? I know it will be hard and I will be extremely tired, but I have to learn to make sacrifices now when nothing is going bad and not do something when I am in dire need to do it, but prepare for situations early so that they will not be so bad when they occur. Get on my feet now while I am single and free of major responsibilities. As long as I make time for me, my hobbies (which is reading and now blogging), exercising, and a course I am taking, I should be fine.

Hey maybe it will keep my mind off of being single!!!! (Another post for another time!!)

2008 Presidental Election Part One

2008-01-15T21:33:00.000-05:00

Being that I am 25 and will be 26 when we vote for our next president, this will be my THIRD time voting for a president. Even though it will be my third time voting, this will be the FIRST time that I will actually pay attention to ALL candidates and their views. Even though this is my blog and this is America……..I am free to give my opinion of who I want to become president. Nevertheless I feel that I need to keep that information to myself. With that being said, I truly feel that my generation and those younger truly do not know how the election process works.

In the past two elections I voted for the lesser of two evils and relied on the information that the media gave me without researching for myself. As I am transitioning into a full blown adult with my own mind, I have been inquisitive about each and every candidate regardless of party.

So I have decided to inform individuals who come to my blog about the presidential election process.

Here are the following candidates based on their party as of 01/15/08:
Democrats: Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, John Edwards, Mike Gravel, and Dennis Kucinich.
Republicans: Rudy Giuliani, Mike Huckabee, Duncan Hunter, John McCain, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Fred Thompson.
PLEASE DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH AND NOT DEPEND ON THE MEDIA.

The 2008 Presidential Election is underway with state primaries being held across the country, in which each party will choose its candidate for president. The majority of states will hold primary elections on Super Tuesday, February 5th, 2008. Whichever candidate wins the majority of the parties delegates will go on to the General Election for president on November 4th, 2008.

To determine who the parties will delegate, we have something called THE CAUCUS.

A Caucus is nothing but a meeting with registered voters of the particular party. The voters that are in attendance get with groups that support a particular candidate. A voter that is undecided on who to vote for is put into a group and each candidate’s group tries to persuade the undecided voter to join them. At the end of the caucus, they count votes and determine which candidate wins the caucus.

As of today, Iowa (winners – Obama for Democrat & Huckabee for Republicans) and New Hampshire (winners – Clinton for Democrat & McCain for Republicans) have had the caucuses there. Michigan had one tonight (only for Republicans) and Romney won. Next up is Nevada and South Carolina.

Look for updates and continue knowledge on how the presidential process goes.

Happy Founders Day!!!

2008-01-13T15:49:00.000-05:00

Today we celebrate 95 years of Delta Sigma Theta's legacy.

HAPPY FOUNDER'S DAY SORORS!!!!!!

Symptoms of having a quarter life crisis

2008-01-09T00:23:00.000-05:00

1. Feeling “Not good enough” because one cannot find a job in a academic/intellectual level.
2. Confusion of identity.
3. Insecurity regarding the near future.
4. The nostalgia for college and/or high school life.
5. Loneliness.
6. A sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you.

To blog or not to blog.........

2008-01-08T22:42:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone!!

I decided awhile ago that I wanted to have my own blog. It seemed like the great thing to do, to share all my random thoughts, opinions, views, and experiences with like minded complete strangers. But I got kinda scared. You see, I used to keep journals and diaries all the time when I was a kid. Ultimately, they would all end up abandoned. However now that I am older, I miss being able to just write about my life. After admiring several different blogs from afar, I am now ready to have one of my own.

Being that my blog is titled, “My Quarter Life Crisis”, it will be fitting if I tell you a little about myself. I am a 25 year old female currently living in the Atlanta area. I am in that transition of leaving the young adult stage to full blown adulthood. I am currently in an entry level position of the field I went to college for (truly blessed because I know a lot of individuals cannot say the same), learning that a 9-5 is not me and developing myself to become a business owner.

I am currently on a mission to develop myself as an intellectual. My blog will include everything I feel is related to the transition into adult hood. We hear things such as “Oh he/she is just being a teenager.” Or “They are just going through a midlife crisis”. Well why no one warned the teenagers/young adults what was about to happen to them once the parents/authority figures have them figure things out for themselves? These years are supposed to be the best time of my life (like every stage), but to me it is the scariest. I feel helpless, indecisive, and panicked. I am at a point in my life where I am no longer planning for my future (school) and actually setting things into motion. Scared that I am not where I am suppose to be and looking around at my peers and friends and wondering why I am not where they are at.

I've spent so much time between the ages of 18 and 24 trying to come across like I know what in the heck is going on and like I have any idea what I'm doing. I have decided however, that it is officially time to embrace the fact that I do not know everything.

Feel free to comment and leave ideals of what you will like to discuss.