Wednesday, August 20, 2008

A conversation with my Madea

I called my great-grandmother (Madea) for her birthday and instead of talking about her (which she loves to do), she wanted to talk about me! Here is how some of the conversation went:

Madea: I am worried about you!
Me: Why?
Madea: You are about to be 26 and you have no man and no chaps (means children). Why is that?
Me:I just have not found one yet.
Madea: Didn’t I tell you want you need to do to get and keep a man?
Me: Yes ma’am
Madea: Well what the hell (my name was inserted here)! This is when I knew she was drunk. What are you doing up there? What did I tell you? Its four simple rules.
Me: I know. Getting aggravated because this entire conversation is being heard by a friend guy while we were on our way to grab a bite to eat! What makes it worse is that I know she wants me to recite them and I do not want to in front of ole dude, but I do. You always said in order to get and/or keep a man I needed to know how to keep a clean house (CHECK), make them laugh (CHECK), keep their belly’s full (I can cook my ass off! LOL), and screw their brains out (her words not mine! Actually hers were a lot worse)
Madea: AGAIN, if you know this why you single chile? Now she sound worried.
Me: Its not my time, but trust Madea I am okay, I have to go now about to go eat with a man.
Madea: Sounds happy again. Is it a boyfriend or potential one?
Me: No.
Madea: Worry comes back in her voice. Fuck it. I give up. Yall chaps drive me crazy. Have fun.
Me: Love you Madea!
Madea: Love you to baby!
Me: Bye!
Madea: Bye!

So this is my mama side of the family, and on my mama side of the family I am the FIRST one to NOT have a child as a teenager and to obtain a college degree. I think she is scared of me being alone because she never envision any of her family members achieving what I have (to me I feel I have not achieve that much, but to them I have achieve a lot). So I entertain her ideas of what I should do.


Stew said...

well i agree with her. those are 4 pretty good rules, but they not gonna work on everyone.

she sounds like a cool lady though

quarter-life-crisis said...

She is the best! My grandmother (her daughter and best friend) died 2 years ago and she was the nail the held us together. I did not see one emotion from her the entire time and she had my grandmother at the age of 13 so they had been together for a long time. People thought they were sisters. She is a straight to the point kind lady and do not take sh**, but has the kindest heart. We definitely do not have that normal grandma/granddaughter relationship. However I would not change what we have for nothing.

candyams said...

I remember when you told me those rules the other day. I couldn't believe my ears. My grandmother taught me the same thing to, but not verbally.

I am proud of you Bre! You broke the cycle. Do you remember Pastor B. teaching us about breaking our family’s cycle? Well you did IT! Hopefully, when you are ready to have children., they will follow your footsteps, but do better.