Things to do this summer

Being that I am dating myself, here are some things I want to do this summer:

1. Learn how to play pool better. When I was younger my grandparents owned a nightclub right next door to my house, and me and her (my grandmother) use to hustle men out of there money in pool games. I was really good back then.
2. Walk a 5K. Lets be honest, that’s all I can really do for now and I have to start somewhere.
3. Going to TWO concerts with friends (or by myself).
4. Search myspace and look for independent artists in my area. Because right now radio SUCKS!!!
5. Since I have reconnect with so many childhood friends through myspace, once a week, contact one and catch up.
6. At least once this summer, take in a “Movie in the Park” and “Concert in the Park”.
7. Since I grew up on baseball/softball, I found a park that has a league near me. Now I will not be participating (LOL), but I will attend a game or two.
8. Go to Stone Mountain and climb the damn mountain.
9. Go to Six Flags and the water park
10. Read at least THREE books (pertaining to history)
11. Go to some “Jazz Night” events.
12. Go to a reggae bar and meet a man with an accent and just listen to him talk. However I will not exchange phone numbers, just want to live with the fantasy.
13. Get involve in a spades tournament or just have a spades party.
14. Learn how to play chess
15. Go see the play, “The Color Purple” (well I will be doing this in July)
    
    

Determing how I feel and why

So I wrote this last Wednesday and seriously debated posting it because I thought maybe it was to "BLUE" and did not want to write depressing crap. However this is what I felt at the time and this is my journal so to speak. I am feeling particularly down these days (not as bad as that particular day) for no reason at all. I am currently trying to come to terms with why I am feeling this way and do something about it.

Hello all……..

Feel like hearing about my situation? Well here goes:

Today for some strange reason I get to work and start feeling extremely down. I have no reason to feel like this, nothing in particular has happen or is going to happen. So I start wondering, “Why am I sad?” and thinking about reasons gets me more down. Compared to the next guy, you can say I have a pretty good life. Nevertheless there is always someone who is doing worse than you so I cannot really go by that.

At lunch I call my mom to whine and cry to her about it. I express that I am sad and do not know why and I begin to cry. She goes to say that I always get like this and that I should go see someone because I may have a chemical imbalance (I disagree).

Now here I am after work sitting in my church parking lot waiting for Bible Study (in 2 hours) to start (I live 20 mins away and if I were to go home and then come back—I would not come back). I am starting to get my materials out to start working on some practice problems dealing with the LSAT when I come across the notes I took the last time I came to Bible Study.

“Your test/trial will always come at your spiritual promotion”

Ah ha!! So I seat and ponder on that particular statement.

In earlier days where I tried to do better by God, what got me the most were my actions. There were things I just could not shake. However as I grow older, wiser, and closer to God, I see myself not even having a desire to do certain things and not caring what others (such as family, close friends and/or peers) think about it. I had a situation to occur this weekend where (though very painful) I have come to the conclusion that I may have to eliminate someone out of my life because I feel like they are keeping me back from something greater. I have always been the type that if my friend girls were trying to better themselves and wanted to eliminate something from their life, I would respect that and just not go to certain places or do certain things with them. However this particular friend (actually a family member) is not respecting that there are some places and things that I no longer want to be involve in. Its not like I am trying to do it because I know it is not pleasing to Him, literally the desire to go to those places and do those things are not on my heart. For her to not understand that (or care) hurts extremely.

With that being said, I feel that since the devil (and/or evil forces) cannot play on my weakness that way, he is trying to play with my mind!!!! LOL (no seriously). I am developing spiritually and the devil cannot stand it. Nevertheless I am going to continue to pray and give thanks for the many blessings (and I do mean MANY) God has provided me with.

I have came to the conclusion that I may suffer from depression (or this maybe what some people who are going through quarter life crisis go through). Nevertheless I feel that it is a very small form of it.

My question is how does this go with my spirituality? So I am currently trying to figure out:

spiritual growth and depression

having faith vs. depression

I would love to have you guys view/opinion of this.

10 things I want to learn how to do:

1. Learn how to write poetry. (is this something you can learn?)
2. Sew. I think I have an unique style. Its a materialistic (brand whore as my aunt calls it) on a budget, tailored, preppy, hoodtastic, afrocentric look.
3. Spanish. Reason: I live in Atlanta, there is no other reason.
4. Japanese. Because I heard its a hard language to learn and I like challenges. Also I want to visit Tokyo for my 30th birthday.
5. Speaking in public without nearly fainting.
6. DANCING!!!! Oh my gosh!! I have no rhythm what so ever. Its bad.
7. Play a piano.
8. Play a guitar.
9. Be more patient.
10. Be a better daughter, sister, cousin, niece, friend, soror.

These were just off the top of my head. Just sitting up here drinking and thinking about stuff.

Did nothing I said I was going to do!!

I did not do anything I wanted to do this weekend. Meaning I did not lay on my ass and get the rest I needed.

Did I think of something profound and blog about it? LOL. (Had to laugh at that myself)
Did I study? No.
Did I work on my pending business? No.
Did I clean up and read? Nah.
What about exercise, did I do that? Come on now! You know I didn’t.

So what did I do, well I slept in every morning and did the following:
I went out on Saturday night:
First spot – A nice little bar that plays live music on Saturday night. Had a nice meal with great music. Cost: $20.00 (including cover)!!
Second Spot – A great billiard spot downtown with live music on the first floor and a DJ on the second floor. Cost: FREE (no cover and free drinks from 2 lame guys me and my friend met)
GOT A SPEEDING TICKET AT 3AM, 3MINTUES FROM HOME!!!

I went to a Poetry spot on Sunday night and got my “Love Jones” on.
While there (only a $7 cover) from 8pm until 1am, I had a blast. This will become one of my regular spots. I sat there and enjoyed the environment and came to the conclusion that wish I had the talent that they possess. The gift of poetry is truly a blessing from God. OH! I got one of the poets number, but I am not going to call. However it did make me feel good. LOL

Today, I did not do a thing except lay in the bed and look up one of the poets on myspace. Checked ALL my favorite blogs (that takes all day in itself).

No work on Monday! YEAH!!

What are your plans for this weekend and Monday?

Mine started with getting off work early and watching shows I tivo until I fell asleep. I plan on doing that tomorrow, Sunday, and Monday. Also catching up with cleaning, reading, blogging, studying, and exercising. So basically a really boring weekend. However I am VERY EXCITED about it. I have already told everyone that I am not doing anything, for the last 3-4 weekends my butt been on the go. All I want to do is lay low and chill.

Back from Louisiana and brought back an illness

Sooo I am back from Louisiana (came back on Monday) and the visit was interesting to say the least. I got to do everything I wanted:

1. Ate crawfish everyday I was there
2. Went to a drive thru daiquiri shop and got my favorite -- A LARGE hurricane (was feeling quite right!!)!!!
3. Ate snowballs everyday (sometimes twice a day)
4. Just circle blocks in my town in the black "Pre-Lexus" (my 08 Toyota Corolla)

A lot of interesting things happen while I was at home (and of course they involved men) and will definitely discuss them at a later date. However this was the first time that I felt like maybe I was missing out on something by not being at home. Also every night I had the best sleep (even Saturday night when I got in at 5am and woke up at 9am) ever!!!! I was sleeping on the couch! Did not matter, I woke up refreshed, alert, and well-rested. This was great because as of lately I have not been getting the best of rest. Sometime I would not go to bed until sunlight. I do not know what that is all about.

The only issue I have is everyone wanting me to come see them and getting upset when I can not fit them in. Its not that I do not care about you or that I care about someone else more than you, (hell I did not even see my daddy this time) its just that there are so many hours in ONE DAY!!! How about you get up and come see me? Why should I be the one visiting everyone? I am the visitor, come see if I am at my mom's house resting from another drive I took to see someone. Doing all this visiting, I feel like my mom got the shit end of the stick because I really did not spend that much time with her. I was always on the go.

Nevertheless the trip was great and I cannot wait until father's day because that is when I go back. Another weekend of eating crawfish and snowballs and drinking daiquiri.

I brought something back from my trip: SICKNESS!!! I have bronchitis. So Monday morning I woke up with a sore throat and a terrible cough. I literally felt like crying when I need to cough. Nevertheless I went to work on Tuesday and when I got home that evening it was worse. So today I went to the doc and got not one, but TWO shots in my ass!! I also have some horse pills and nasty cough medicine to take.

I debated if I should go back to work tomorrow, but my mama said that I should be passing this on to my co-workers. Since you should never go against your mother's word, I will not be going to work tomorrow either. I think that I should take that Friday off also. They know I am really sick (hell I was there Tuesday so they know that I am not making this up and acting like I am still in Louisiana). I just wished that I would have figured this out Monday and I could have stayed in Louisiana all week and went to the crawfish boil for the high school graduating class on Saturday. Oh well!! I will just rest up and drink plenty of fluids so that I can go see Katt Williams on Saturday.

Thanks for reading this senseless post!

Someone always have something to say

So I check my blog email today and come upon an email from a fellow "blogger" stating that my blog needs improvement and here are some (or one very important one) suggestions.

"How about you take into consideration blogging about more important issues concerning African Americans and black women? It seems like your blog is going into a direction of being very self centered and you might lose your audience."

First. Thanks for your consideration and/or opinions, but like assholes, EVERYONE HAS ONE.

Second. I am NOT an African American. I am an American who is black (however that is for another post -- check out a wonderful poem by Smokey Robinson below).

Third. My blog is SUPPOSED to be self-centered. It is about ME being 25 and finally realizing that I am a full blown adult, dealing with it and getting comfortable with it. I am looking for individuals who can relate, want to give advice because they been where I am at/going, and give CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Also I think you have to be blessed with the gift to write about certain things. I leave that to the wonderful blogs to my right (blogs that influence me to blog) that I just have to check EVERYDAY.

Fourth. I am not looking to be the most popular blog. I am happy and excited that I have people just looking at it and commenting. This is a perfect avenue for me. I have always had a passion for writing and journaling and this help satisfy both of them.

So fellow "blogger" if you do not like the path my blog is taking, that is okay and please feel free to go elsewhere.

Nevertheless here are TWO YOUTUBE CLIPS, that I think are great discussion starters. Please feel free to check them out and leave a comment.

Tonight is the night!!!!!!

In about FIVE HOURS I will be in the same room as my man KANYE WEST!!!! Okay, you guys do not understand. I have been going crazy about what to wear (just in case we lock eyes or something) that I have been driving everyone crazy! LOL However nothing but the best for my man (okay let me live in fairytale land for a minute). I think this song is appropriate for this day!