FREEDOM

Day 37 of 40

The detox is going better than I thought it would. Truthfully, I thought that I would have quit by now. That’s sad huh? Nevertheless I am pushing along. Some stuff I back sled on whereas on other things I have remained strong.

If I am going to be honest with you guys (and to myself), as I am looking at my list, I do not see where I have done a lot. I did complete my 5 day food detox!!!! No cokes or drinks period. I just had water, fruits, and vegetables. With regards to the 5 day food detox, I learned that I am going to have to gradually take myself off of cokes. LOL!! No cold turkey for me. So I drink one SMALL cup a day (and that’s hard for me to), but I am drinking more water than I use to. Especially since I heard that it can come back to haunt ya when you get old! I have not cut down several days of television, but I do not watch television on Mondays.

Nevertheless I have had an epiphany; I AM GETTING MY OWN PLACE.

Even though I have no money saved, hardly getting by now, for my piece of mind, I know that it is necessary. There are several individuals (including family members) that are telling me that I am making a stupid/dumb decision. Those doubting me and bringing negativity to my life will only make me try even harder. Going through this detox and the event that occurred recently, has made me realize that I was/am in a “comfort zone”. I need to step out on a limb and do this for myself and not because I am feeling pressured to do it, not because I feel like a failure, not because I should be doing what everyone else my age is, but because it’s the right decision for ME.

I am learning that I cannot always go by someone advice. I can take it under consideration, but at the end of the day I have to do what makes me happy. That has always been my problem, trying to make the adults in my life happy and satisfied, but not realizing that I am an adult myself. If I fail, well I tried. I will be the one who will have to deal with it. Nobody else has to. So if that mean sleeping on an air mattress (which if I buy a good one, they can be extremely comfortable) and eat cereal and ham sandwiches everyday, SO BE IT. If that is what it takes to have piece of mind, then that is what I will do. Now even though we are in a recession, I will try my damn est to get a part time job.

For some reason I have this calmness about the situation, I have went over my bills and it is really possible. I looked and found a great apartment, in a great location, and at a great price. I have to just fix something on my credit report tomorrow and it will be mine. I will be able to move in December 31st!!!

This means that I will be starting the New Year off right! Please pray and wish me luck on this new adventure that I am about to embark on!

Complainer

Day 36 of 40

You know how there are some people in the world that you hate to see coming because they ALWAYS complaining about something? I hate to say it, but I think that person is me. Okay…….I know that person is me. LOL! I complain entirely too much, and it is sad when you yourself is the one who realize it.

It always starts off innocently, I could be talking about something and I will find the negative in it. Complaining is a part of most my daily exchanges. I even use complaints as icebreakers.

However even though I have a lot of stuff to work on in my life, compared to others (especially in this recession and holiday period) I am doing pretty good.

I am healthy and able bodied.
I have a warm and safe place to sleep at night.
I have family and a few friends I can depend on.
I have a reliable car that can take me from A to B.
I have a job that provides income to live off of and to take care of necessary expenses.
I have food to eat.

After realizing that I needed to stop surrounding myself around negative people and/or individuals who are not trying to better themselves, I had to take a look at myself. I thought, “What is it about me that makes me want to be around these people or why do they want to be around me?” “How can I bring more positive people in my life?”

Well it starts with me!

Sunday at church, the preacher made it quite clear. If it is one thing that God does not like, it is a complainer. He can tolerate/forgive you when He sees you TRYING, but if you are just giving up and complaining about the situation without doing anything about it, well that is just UNACCEPTABLE.

How can I complain about my living situation when some people do not know where they will lay their head tomorrow or if they will even have a home?

How can I complain about being lonely because I am not in a relationship when I have friends and family who I KNOW I can trust 100% and they will never let me down?

How can I complain about my job and boss when over a million people have lost their jobs and do not know where the next meal will come from?

I am starting to wonder how many things have I missed out on in life because of my complaining.

Instead of looking at the each negative point in your life, take the time to look at it in a positive light.

I NEED TO BE MORE GRATEFUL.

God created each and every one of us with free will. That means that we choose our thoughts and I (and you) do not have to accept every negative thought/image that comes to mind.

So starting today, I am making a conscious effort to not complain (and whine because I am good at that also). It will be an extremely hard task for me, but it is an important step to take in my quest for spiritual and mental growth!

FOUR MORE DAYS AND THE DETOX WILL BE COMPLETE!!!

I have so much to share.

Detox for the mind, body, and soul - PART ONE

Day 6 of 40

Since turning 26, I've found myself becoming much more reflective and serious about my life. Not that I wasn’t before, but now in a much lucid perspective. Nor am I taking myself too seriously, but I’m starting to notice how much more aware I am of myself, my thoughts, relationships with others, career, path and purpose. I feel that I am sort of grieving and putting away my young self. Nevertheless I am extremely excited and deathly afraid of what is in store.

I am always searching out for women older than me to get their perspective on life and ask did they go through the same things at this age and stage. When I hear all these amazing stories of women truly finding themselves in their 40’s and 50’s, I am like, “Dang! Am I going to be crazy for another 15 years?!”

So here I am trying to gain some knowledge to get me through these twenties, and all they can say is, “Girl your 20’s are going to be some of the best and worst times of your life.” The majority of them felt that their 20’s were so hard for them and life gets so much better in your 30’s and up.

Last week as I was getting dress for work, I looked in the mirror and thought, I’m grown!

I finally believe that I am coming into my own. Meaning I know what makes me happy and I want to try and find ways to achieve those things NOW so that I can become a truly happy and content woman.

My passion for history, writing (regardless if I think I am good or not) and entrepreneurship has been weighing heavy on me that I feel like I am suffocating from it. How can I turn my passions into some kind of reality? I have ton of ideas, but currently I am living in a reality where I am extremely in debt, living with a relative and wanting my own place, working a job that does not appreciate my skills and experience with crappy pay, wanting a man-but knowing I do not NEED a man in my life right now, and most importantly trying to achieve a goal that I know deep down inside is not a dream I dream for myself anymore. AHHHHHH!!!!!

With all of this going on in my head, I came to the conclusion that I need to detoxify my mind, body, and soul.

On Monday, November 10, 2008, I started my 40 day detox. The reason I picked the number 40 was because in the bible it means completion/perfect. Instead of starting January first, I decided to start as soon as possible. In my opinion the number 40 represents a proficiency of time that is long enough or large enough to remove doubt; long enough and large enough to prove God's point.

I just want a greater sense of well being, break some bad habits, let go of past failures and regrets. I know that I will not find all my answers in this period, but I would love to start a new year off at a different place.

I keep/kept fighting myself about taking this route. Nevertheless I knew that I had to do something because I am not happy with anything these days. I have this constant state of anxiousness and fear. I am unsatisfied with my looks (these damn 15 pounds UGHHH), I always feel bloated (because of the horrible foods that I consume), I cannot sleep or I am sleeping my days away, and I am always tired and restless to the point of not wanting to do anything, much less read, work on my business, and/or blog. I cannot keep focus or concentrate on anything except the damn television. Basically I just feel “blah” 24/7.

Someone told me that if I want optimum performance, I will need to put optimum nourishment in my mind, body and soul.

The following things are being eliminated while on the detox:

Limited or no TV

No cold drinks (soda to you city folks) - basically Coca-cola because I drink it like water.

Fried foods

McDonalds (10 piece nugget meal)

Dairy products and sugar

Processed food

Meat (Lord help us all! LOL)

Sex/masturbation

The following things are being included in my life permanently:

Walking at least 5 days a week for 30 minutes

Doing YOGA

Water!!!! - This will be hard because I HATE water.

Meditation

I started off slow. The first week was basically getting a new routine for sleeping. Trying to obtain 8 hours of sleep. Instead of my usually 4-6 weekdays/10-12 weekends. Last week I also started drinking a bottle of smart water a day. Slowly trying to move away from Cokes.

This week is my FIVE day major food detox. Meaning nothing but water, fruits and veggies, maybe some grill fish, limited TV (2-3 days), meditation, yoga, and walking all five days. Today is day one and I miss coke and television sooo much!!!! However it is for the better good.

I will keep you all posted.