HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

So once again I grow a year older. Didn't really do too much (actually I did nothing). Co workers and boss took me out to lunch, my aunt gave me a gift certificate to our favorite spa for a facial, and I came home to get on the Internet (one of the tenants in my apartment has not realize that they did not lock their wireless) and to talk on the phone to my friends/love ones.

This is not a bad thing because usually I do not celebrate my birthdays. I just do not like a lot of attention on me like that. However it did make me think about birthdays in the past.

I am 27 and I believe that I have been single for every birthday I have had in my twenties. WOW!!!!!

So with that being said, I am looking at all the men that are currently in my life. I am not on a romantic level with none of these gentlemen (well maybe two/a couple of them wish we were), but I make it an effort to call them, if not at MIDNIGHT, on their birthday. These NINE gentlemen (I am starting to use this word loosely now) know how important I take birthdays and some of them I talk to just yesterday/last week!!!! Out of the nine men, TWO called and wished me a happy birthday.

Really?

Will I be taking this too far if I start to distance myself from these individuals? I ask this because I find it curious that I can talk to these people all the time (emails, facebook, phone, text, etc.), but only TWO can take the time to call and wish me a damn happy birthdaaaaay!!!

Whatever............

A conversation with my Madea

I called my great-grandmother (Madea) for her birthday and instead of talking about her (which she loves to do), she wanted to talk about me! Here is how some of the conversation went:

Madea: I am worried about you!
Me: Why?
Madea: You are about to be 26 and you have no man and no chaps (means children). Why is that?
Me:I just have not found one yet.
Madea: Didn’t I tell you want you need to do to get and keep a man?
Me: Yes ma’am
Madea: Well what the hell (my name was inserted here)! This is when I knew she was drunk. What are you doing up there? What did I tell you? Its four simple rules.
Me: I know. Getting aggravated because this entire conversation is being heard by a friend guy while we were on our way to grab a bite to eat! What makes it worse is that I know she wants me to recite them and I do not want to in front of ole dude, but I do. You always said in order to get and/or keep a man I needed to know how to keep a clean house (CHECK), make them laugh (CHECK), keep their belly’s full (I can cook my ass off! LOL), and screw their brains out (her words not mine! Actually hers were a lot worse)
Madea: AGAIN, if you know this why you single chile? Now she sound worried.
Me: Its not my time, but trust Madea I am okay, I have to go now about to go eat with a man.
Madea: Sounds happy again. Is it a boyfriend or potential one?
Me: No.
Madea: Worry comes back in her voice. Fuck it. I give up. Yall chaps drive me crazy. Have fun.
Me: Love you Madea!
Madea: Love you to baby!
Me: Bye!
Madea: Bye!

So this is my mama side of the family, and on my mama side of the family I am the FIRST one to NOT have a child as a teenager and to obtain a college degree. I think she is scared of me being alone because she never envision any of her family members achieving what I have (to me I feel I have not achieve that much, but to them I have achieve a lot). So I entertain her ideas of what I should do.

Mr. West!!

So I have read somewhere that my future husband (pictured above) has a reality show in the works with HBO. They will basically follow him around and give us a peek of what goes on in his life.

What that means for me? Well I do not have to quit my job to follow him around. I can basically stalk him from the comfort of my living/bedroom! LOL.

This relationship is costing me money already! I have to go and get HBO! LOL

Qualities I want my mate to have

Since I am on the subject of men and I mentioned that I made a list of characteristics/qualities that I wanted my mate to have, I feel that it is only fair that I share them with you. Also I would like feedback on if I am being unrealistic.

1. God-fearing. Someone who is where I am with God or better. Has to love God more than he will love me. Pray with me, bring me closer to God.
2. Book lover. Will enjoy going to book stores with me.
3. Someone I can travel with, take home to mama, and bring around my girls. Can take him to the hood and work related events (basically be a "switcher" like myself).
4. An educated man (book & street smarts), but one that knows not to cross the line or embrass me with his intellect. Willing to broaden my horizons.
5. I need to be intimidated by him in the beginning (do not ask me why - its a turn on), helps me step my game up. Keep me on my toes.
6. A man of virtue and pushes me to be a better me. The other side of me that I have been looking for. A man that knows he is not perfect but can learn, adapt, and is willing to do all he can to keep me happy.
7. A man that can and will take care of me, have my back, and be the first one to call with my good news.
8. Someone to visit on lonely weekends just for me to talk his ear off about my childhood, how much I have changed, and what the future has in store for me.
9. Someone to try new things with even though they may seem corny.
10. Can cook!
11. Has a STABLE job.
12. He values family and have a stable relationship with them.
13. FAITHFUL. Someone who believes in having one woman.
14. A man who believes in getting to know a female before entering into a sexual relationship.
15. A man who likes me because of my strength, but allows me to be vulnerable.
16. A man who understands my independence, but knows he is needed.
17. A man who is independent, but makes me feel wanted/needed.
18. A man who is ambitious as I.
19. Attractive and healthy who has style and flava.
20. A man who will open me up sexually (if there is any further you can take me! LOL), who is open to try new things in the bedroom and bring out another side to each other!

Thats it. What do you think? Am I doing to much?

Spiritual Sunday -- Praying for my future husband

This is not one of those, “Please God send me a man!” prayers. I am not ASKING for a man, more of me praying for the man I KNOW is coming into my life. I have faith that God is going to bring my “Godly Man” to me, but I just want to pray for him. God completely knows my future husband already. He knows his thoughts, struggles, triumphs, fears, and failures. So if I am praying daily for myself to become a better child of God, I feel that it only right for me to do this for my future mate. By praying for him, I am seeing that things can change for me. I see myself trying to become a better person, and a better child of God. I want to obtain a purer heart, all this in preparation for him, my future husband. For that reason, I will be making this a daily commitment.

It’s the least I can do (pray for him) because the person God has chosen for me is probably facing struggles just like me. So I will pray that God bless him and his family, order his day, encourage him in the Lord (want him to love God more than me), and in some way know that his future mate (me of course! LOL) is out there getting herself ready for him.

For example:
“God please watch over him today, bless his family and true friends.” God I ask that you give him strength to live each day to the fullest and continue to strive to be a better child to You. Please provide him with the strength to be able to resist worldly desires so that he can live in THIS world, but not OF it.”

I also pray for a Godly understanding of what a real relationship/marriage is suppose to be. For someone who I can be better with and we can help each other grow spiritually. I want me and my mate to be equally yoke. Meaning I want him to be on the level I am or above. Meaning all the superficial things I used to ask for is going out the window. God knows what I am attractive to and I trust that whomever God put in my life I will be attractive to him. So why must we ask for physical features when we are asking God for a mate? With me offering my thoughts and prayers to God, I want to set my heart and mind on a completely different track. Instead of being upset/depress about not having a mate, I want to be excited/have anticipation about my “relationship”. Because even though it does not exist at the moment, I KNOW that it’s going to happen (again at His perfect timing), and I KNOW that it will be worth the wait!!

I also made a list of things that were important to me, things I considered important characteristics/qualities for my future mate to have. I placed it in my Bible and handed it over to God. If God does not bring this man I described on paper to me, it will be okay. I will be happy with whatever God wills me in this life time. When you give yourself, along with your problems and concerns to God, and also honor Him, He will give back to you one-hundred fold!! So I am going to pray for your future mate and his intentions, then just wait for God to bring this individual into my life.

Midnight Love

So I was on the phone with my sister last night (while playing on the internet) and I came across this song that me and her loved back in the day. Then we started traveling memory lane, about the guys we dated in high school (what were we thinking! LOL) and how BET's "Midnight Love" was the soundtrack of our lives at the time. LOL Here are just a few that top our list:


Allure's Last Chance


Az Yet's Last Night


Pressha's Splackavillie - Now this one top's the list. However I rather not give details! LOL


Mariah Carey's My All - I cried everytime I heard this time. I thought I was so heartbroken (if I had only known the drama that was ahead in college). To this day I have to listen to it like three times in a row.


The Tony Rich Project's Nobody Knows


Kenny Lattimore's For You


Jesse Powell's You


Uncle Sam's I don't ever want to see you again


Uncle Sam's You are


Rome's I belong To You - Man this was the stuff (finding alternative words for curse words LOL)!! Oh my gosh! No words!


Man, those was the days! I thought life was so hard (teenagers - full of drama). Thanks for going down memory lane with me.

Friday Evaluation

If this week wasn't stressful enough, today I hit an all time LOW. Its not even 8am yet!!!! So as I sit at work writing this, trying to hold back tears from the pain that I MYSELF have caused, I feel that I am at my lowest and have nowhere to go but UP.

Nevertheless I am on my way to Louisiana this weekend for Father's Day and to take the LSAT exam. I really hope that my trip will cheer me up, but the root to some of my current pain lives in Louisiana.

How do you guys feel about revenge? I just want someone to feel the pain I am feeling, especially if you cause it. Nevertheless when I go home I am going to try to stay as positive as I can and not resort to any negative behavior. I have to perfect way to get back at this individual, but I am going to try with ALL MY MIGHT not to do it. OHHHHH BUT HOW I WANT TO!!!

Tonight is the night!!!!!!

In about FIVE HOURS I will be in the same room as my man KANYE WEST!!!! Okay, you guys do not understand. I have been going crazy about what to wear (just in case we lock eyes or something) that I have been driving everyone crazy! LOL However nothing but the best for my man (okay let me live in fairytale land for a minute). I think this song is appropriate for this day!

Dating MYSELF

So it is Saturday and I am back at home from my date with myself. Yep I wrote that correctly, I am dating myself. If you saw the youtube clip before reading this, aside from the humor, it was informative (at least for me). I talk a good game to everybody about how I am happy and just concentrating on me, but sometimes it gets hard and today is one of those days. I had to turn lemons into lemonade. I got out of bed, turned the TV off since it is a "no TV day" (will post about later) and commence to cleaning my room and my bathroom (remember that I live with my aunt, so those are the only areas I use). Cleaning was an ALL DAY (well 3 hours) job, and after that I gave myself an "in-home" spa treatment. After the spa, I did my hair like I went to a stylist and applied makeup to my face. Then I put a fly but casual outfit (you know, to look like I really did not try to dress up, but it just looked like I did) and decided to go see a movie, have a drink afterward, and grab a bite to eat. Now this is nothing new, I am not afraid and actually enjoy doing things by myself. However I do not do them on the weekends during "date hours". Nevertheless it was enjoyable and I am planning on have a "date night" with myself once a week or once every other week. I also purposely limited my conversations with female friends today because I know they would have wanted to join me and:

1. It would have defeated the purpose of going on a date with myself.
2. It would have turned into a girls night out which would have included talking about men and how much more fun it would have been if men were with us.
3. They would have gotten on my nerves checking men out, or complaining and whining about couples being mushy or just because they see a couple.

Anyway, the movie "Babymama" was great! 2 thumbs up! Went to a bar and had 2 Lemon drop martinis, and then to Chili's and got a to-go order. Now I am at home fulled and a little buzzed (drunk 2 glasses of wine with my food). To some this may seem pitiful, but actually it made me feel better. I have to practice what I preach!! Yesterday I went to Borders and spent 2 hours there having a blast with all the books (again I am an undercover nerd! LOL) and today I took myself to the movies and out to eat. So I should be sufficient until next weekend.

Next week: Go to a Jazz club!!!

Just my imagination

I am in love with Kanye West. It is true and I will elaborate on it later. Nevertheless it is sad to say (but not really) that I am happy that he is single again. I know I know, I am pitiful. Maybe, just maybe when I go to his concert on the 4th he will notice me. Now I will not be like all the other groupies jumping on him. NO! I will be the one being to myself and he will notice and think I am a challenge. Once we start a conversation he will realize that I am a highly intelligent and ambitious woman. He will then express how even though he just broke off his engagement, that he want to pursue something deep and profound with me!!!! Ahhhhh wouldn't that be great?!! LOL LOL Got to speak these things into existence!!!

This song explain my love for him and his music perfectly! Gotta Love Erykah, my fellow Gramblinite!!!!

Can I ask you something?

If your boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend, who would you be more mad at?

I was asked this by a friend guy tonight. Well my answer was simple.

Would not matter because I will kill them both!!!! LOL

My madea always said, "Keep women out of your relationships. They do not need to know the good and/or bad".

If they know the good, then they want to experience it themselves, and if they know the bad then they will always judge the individual.

Thats it.

Can we talk about something else?

Do we have to (please excuse my french) f**king talk about men every time we get on the phone? I am sooooo tired of talking about them. We are all educated sisters with plenty going on in our lives, but it seems like every time I call a close friend or they call me, we end up talking about them (men). Why? Its not going to change anything. It is getting to the point to where I do not want to talk to them because THAT'S ALL WE EVER TALK ABOUT. I try to change the subject, but somehow we get right back on it. I am trying to just concentrate on me, and I feel if I keep myself busy that I will not think about men and the issues (or lack of having a man) concerning them. Do I have to be reminded everyday that I am single? You do not have to tell me that you are unhappy single, I KNOW!!! Yes, "friend" I know its hard finding a good man. No "friend" I do not know why we keep getting deadbeats portraying themselves as men. Nevertheless you have to be the good friend and sit there and listen and be supportive because probably I was the one bitching about it last week. LOL!! Lets talk about:

1. Politics
2. Fashion (there are these "high waisted jeans" from Levi and Guess that I want so bad!!)
3. TV
4. Our friendship
5. Careers
6. Memories
7. Spirituality
8. Fitness
9. Establishing a time to meet up or get together
10. Anything else other than MEN!!!!!

So I am going to try something new this week, whenever I talk to a girlfriend, I will not mention men at all. If they mention men, I will give them five minutes of convo on this subject and change it. If they try to come back to it, I am going to inform them that I am tired of talking about men (because we are basically talking a particular incident that we have over analyzed for the past couple of days, weeks, months, and sometime years) and if we cannot talk about something else I am getting off the phone. Time to start showing these girls/women (and myself) TOUGH LOVE!!!

I'M I BEING TO HARD/MEAN?

Being single for Valentine's Day

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. A perfect scenario is having someone special that will surprise you with chocolates, teddy bears, and/or flowers. Maybe even provide you with some jewelry. However the ones without someone (me) will be reminded that we do not have anyone to share this special day with. Before continuing:

WARNING: THIS POST WILL NOT BE A PITIFUL “I’M ALONE” POST.

So what I do not have a “boo” or “man” to receive flowers from. So what I will not be having a candlelit dinner with someone special. So what I will not receive a card telling me how special I am and how much love they have for me!!!! SO WHAT!! LOL!!

WARNING: MAYBE I AM A LITTLE BITTER.

NEVERTHELESS

In a weird (plus I know it is not right) way, I feel good knowing that I am not the only one in this predicament. I know several females, my age, younger and some quite older that are in the same boat as I. However I am (I cannot speak for them) not going to let a commercialized day have me make wrong decisions. This means that I will not let Valentine’s drive me to interacting with “Mr. Wrong”.

Some maybe wondering where I am going with this, so here goes. I know a lot of single females that intentionally set out to find ANY MAN to get with for just this particular day. Just so they can say that they were not alone on Valentine’s Day. Just so they will not feel empty and go through the whole mental anguish (because that’s all it is) of wondering what is wrong with them and why they do not have a man. So these women (and I at one time) basically settle.

EXAMPLE: Say you have been getting to know (kicking it) a gentleman (man, dude, some women – boy) for a couple weeks (met him or he decided to call after Christmas) and Valentine’s Day is coming up. You like wow finally I will have someone for V-Day. Nevertheless he is ---maybe not your type physical wise. He does not have a job and living off his mama OR maybe even another woman. However you are so desperate for a body that you settle for someone who you know is not the one or good enough for you.

DON’T SETTLE!!

Just because it is V-Day, it those not mean you should call up or answer the phone for “Mr. He-will-do”. You know he gets on your nerves, but just so you will not be lonely, just because you do not have patience to wait for God to bring the right one in your life, you settle.

Now the good Word says be careful or anxious for nothing, but with prayer let your requests be made known to God. Now after doing this, we must (at least we should be doing this) be at peace for what we prayed for (in regards to this post – a man), trust Him and wait on His timing. Not yours. Instead of chasing after a man, how about chasing after Him (trust I am trying that now). Trust I know that this is easier said then done because I have my weak days also. I know we get lonely and sometimes feel like God is taking to long (be quick and ask for forgiveness for even thinking like that!! LOL).

If you are asking God for that special someone first know that he is not coming over night. Second, maybe the reason God has not brought the “special one” into your life is because you yourself is not worthy of him. Is all your ducks in a row? Let’s say God brings the man of your dreams to you, will you be the woman of his dreams? We (at least me and my girlfriends) are always crying about finding a good man and a good man coming along, but we ourselves have so much baggage that we truthfully do not even need a man in our lives right now PERIOD. Some of us need to be doing right spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially before bringing a man in our life. How about we get our ducks in a row and make God the most important man (person) and I promise you He will bring you all that you desire and more!!!

I will just like for you to know (I have no doubt that you already know this) that God loves you and He knows the desires of your heart. However He simply desires for you (and me) to put all our energy that we use to find a “man” into a desire for Him. So since I am talking the talk, I am going to walk the walk and let God be my Valentine (I know I am corny).
So single women, if no one tells you happy Valentine’s Day here goes:

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!