HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

So once again I grow a year older. Didn't really do too much (actually I did nothing). Co workers and boss took me out to lunch, my aunt gave me a gift certificate to our favorite spa for a facial, and I came home to get on the Internet (one of the tenants in my apartment has not realize that they did not lock their wireless) and to talk on the phone to my friends/love ones.

This is not a bad thing because usually I do not celebrate my birthdays. I just do not like a lot of attention on me like that. However it did make me think about birthdays in the past.

I am 27 and I believe that I have been single for every birthday I have had in my twenties. WOW!!!!!

So with that being said, I am looking at all the men that are currently in my life. I am not on a romantic level with none of these gentlemen (well maybe two/a couple of them wish we were), but I make it an effort to call them, if not at MIDNIGHT, on their birthday. These NINE gentlemen (I am starting to use this word loosely now) know how important I take birthdays and some of them I talk to just yesterday/last week!!!! Out of the nine men, TWO called and wished me a happy birthday.

Really?

Will I be taking this too far if I start to distance myself from these individuals? I ask this because I find it curious that I can talk to these people all the time (emails, facebook, phone, text, etc.), but only TWO can take the time to call and wish me a damn happy birthdaaaaay!!!

Whatever............

Quote of the day

I saw this in the comment section on another blog and it was a light blub moment for me!

"Simply paying the bills, and existing, isn’t sufficient."

I need to start doing something about it.......

Quote of the day

"If you are going to worry, why pray. If you are going to pray, why worry."

Been on a Blogging Break (more like procrastination)

To whatever few readers I have left:

I took what one would call a “blogging break”. I have diagnosed myself with an extreme case of procrastination.

I really need to work on putting first things first. I am going to use the next week to concentrate on getting some things together and getting organize.

However I am back and ready to blog my brains out!!! (so lame!)

I have sooooo much to write about that its crazy!

Cleaning House in 2009!

I have been really busy mentally lately and so when my mom sent this email to me, it described exactly what I was going through.

Last Week I threw out worrying, it was getting old and in the way.

It kept me from being me; I couldn't do things God's way.

I threw out a book on MY PAST (Didn't have time to read it anyway).

Replaced it with NEW GOALS, started reading it today.

I threw out hate and bad memories, (Remember how I treasured them so)?

Got me a NEW PHILOSOPHY too, threw out the one from long ago.

Brought in some new books too, called I CAN, I WILL, and I MUST.

Threw out I might, I think and I ought. WOW, you should have seen the dust.

I ran across an OLD FRIEND, I hadn't talked to in a while. His name is GOD the Father, and I really like His style.He helped me to do some cleaning and added some things Himself.

Like PRAYER, HOPE, FAITH and LOVE,Yes... I placed them right on the shelf.

I picked up this special thing and placed it at the front door.

I FOUND IT- it's called PEACE. Nothing gets me down anymore.Yes, I've got my house looking nice.Looks good around the place.

For things like Worry and Trouble there just isn't any space.

It's good to do a little house cleaning.

Get rid of the things on the shelf.It sure makes things brighter; maybe you should TRY IT YOURSELF.BE BLESSED AND BE A BLESSING TO SOMEONE ELSE!!!!

So I been thinking........

AND

Glad the 40 detox is over....... now I have to blog about it.

AND

I will be creating an additional blog about books I have read.

AND

Why am I creating another blog when I barely post on this one?

AND

Got to do better with posting on my blog in 2009.

AND

Not looking forward to the 6 1/2 - 7 hour drive to Louisiana.

AND

I am looking forward to some Gumbo though!

AND

Cannot contain my excitement about having my own apartment!! December 31, 2008 I will obtain the keys!!! YEAH!!!

AND

Excited to finally meet my new niece!

AND

I am finally starting to feel contentment.

AND

I think that 2009 will be a great year for me!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

Detox for the mind, body, and soul - PART ONE

Day 6 of 40

Since turning 26, I've found myself becoming much more reflective and serious about my life. Not that I wasn’t before, but now in a much lucid perspective. Nor am I taking myself too seriously, but I’m starting to notice how much more aware I am of myself, my thoughts, relationships with others, career, path and purpose. I feel that I am sort of grieving and putting away my young self. Nevertheless I am extremely excited and deathly afraid of what is in store.

I am always searching out for women older than me to get their perspective on life and ask did they go through the same things at this age and stage. When I hear all these amazing stories of women truly finding themselves in their 40’s and 50’s, I am like, “Dang! Am I going to be crazy for another 15 years?!”

So here I am trying to gain some knowledge to get me through these twenties, and all they can say is, “Girl your 20’s are going to be some of the best and worst times of your life.” The majority of them felt that their 20’s were so hard for them and life gets so much better in your 30’s and up.

Last week as I was getting dress for work, I looked in the mirror and thought, I’m grown!

I finally believe that I am coming into my own. Meaning I know what makes me happy and I want to try and find ways to achieve those things NOW so that I can become a truly happy and content woman.

My passion for history, writing (regardless if I think I am good or not) and entrepreneurship has been weighing heavy on me that I feel like I am suffocating from it. How can I turn my passions into some kind of reality? I have ton of ideas, but currently I am living in a reality where I am extremely in debt, living with a relative and wanting my own place, working a job that does not appreciate my skills and experience with crappy pay, wanting a man-but knowing I do not NEED a man in my life right now, and most importantly trying to achieve a goal that I know deep down inside is not a dream I dream for myself anymore. AHHHHHH!!!!!

With all of this going on in my head, I came to the conclusion that I need to detoxify my mind, body, and soul.

On Monday, November 10, 2008, I started my 40 day detox. The reason I picked the number 40 was because in the bible it means completion/perfect. Instead of starting January first, I decided to start as soon as possible. In my opinion the number 40 represents a proficiency of time that is long enough or large enough to remove doubt; long enough and large enough to prove God's point.

I just want a greater sense of well being, break some bad habits, let go of past failures and regrets. I know that I will not find all my answers in this period, but I would love to start a new year off at a different place.

I keep/kept fighting myself about taking this route. Nevertheless I knew that I had to do something because I am not happy with anything these days. I have this constant state of anxiousness and fear. I am unsatisfied with my looks (these damn 15 pounds UGHHH), I always feel bloated (because of the horrible foods that I consume), I cannot sleep or I am sleeping my days away, and I am always tired and restless to the point of not wanting to do anything, much less read, work on my business, and/or blog. I cannot keep focus or concentrate on anything except the damn television. Basically I just feel “blah” 24/7.

Someone told me that if I want optimum performance, I will need to put optimum nourishment in my mind, body and soul.

The following things are being eliminated while on the detox:

Limited or no TV

No cold drinks (soda to you city folks) - basically Coca-cola because I drink it like water.

Fried foods

McDonalds (10 piece nugget meal)

Dairy products and sugar

Processed food

Meat (Lord help us all! LOL)

Sex/masturbation

The following things are being included in my life permanently:

Walking at least 5 days a week for 30 minutes

Doing YOGA

Water!!!! - This will be hard because I HATE water.

Meditation

I started off slow. The first week was basically getting a new routine for sleeping. Trying to obtain 8 hours of sleep. Instead of my usually 4-6 weekdays/10-12 weekends. Last week I also started drinking a bottle of smart water a day. Slowly trying to move away from Cokes.

This week is my FIVE day major food detox. Meaning nothing but water, fruits and veggies, maybe some grill fish, limited TV (2-3 days), meditation, yoga, and walking all five days. Today is day one and I miss coke and television sooo much!!!! However it is for the better good.

I will keep you all posted.

So I been thinking........

AND

I finally know what I want to do with myself and what needs to be done.

AND

I need to stop procrastinating and go to the counselor.

AND

I really wish I could move Atlanta to Louisiana. I would have the best of both worlds.

AND

I am really seeing the true/real side of “mainstream” America. (White people)

AND

I wish I had my own place!

AND

I think that every time I voice my view/opinion at work this past week, mainstream America think I do not know how to act since Obama won. LOL! Like I did not have an opinion week before last!!

AND

I am not challenged at work and it is making it very difficult to have motivation.

AND

I want to start a non-profit organization.

AND
I am in love with the website www.43things.com. It’s for anal individuals like myself who have to have “to-do” list. Check it out.

AND

I am researching schools in order to obtain my Masters/PHD in History. How does Professor QLC sound? LOL!!

So I been thinking........

AND

If Obama win, I am not going to work on that Wednesday! LOL!

AND

Will we even know who the winner is Tuesday night?

AND

I am scared about seeing a counselor because for some strange reason I feel its conflicting with me spirituality.

AND

I hope that this recession/depression/bad ass financial situation our country is in helps me out in some way. Maybe....... A foreclosed condo? Is that bad for me to think that way?

AND

Instead of faithing watching "The Biggest Loser", I SHOULD be the biggest loser! Well 10 pounds lighter.

AND

Its time to find another place (and an additional place) to obtain a paycheck.

AND

DAMN I need good credit right about now!!

AND

During these hard economic times, is it okay to get a suga daddy? LOL!!

AND

I really need to eliminate television out of my life.

AND

I am so excited about being a new aunt!!!!

So I been thinking........

AND.....

Why can I only find gas between the hours of midnight and 6am?

AND.....

I am thanking God for the "EXPRESS" bus that takes me to the MARTA everyday for work so that I can preserve my gas for emergencies.

AND.....

I thought I was going to like Jazmine Sullivan CD a lot more. I like it, but..... she is no Lauryn Hill 1998-99. Maybe it will grow on me.

AND.....

I am thanking God that even though I am ONE check away from being homeless, car less, and food less, that at least I have a job to obtain a check.

AND.....

Why with my questionable credit (that I am working on to the best of my ability) are Credit Card companies trying to GIVE me credit cards? OH Lawd it is sooo hard shredding them up!!! Especially since I am so broke and need any extra income possible.

AND.....

For extra income I am thinking about taking the "tax course" for H&R Block. I think it is from October until May. That income can catch me up on my bills and towards debt.

AND.....

I am about to make a MAJOR career decision.

AND.....

Why is losing 10 (okay I really want to lose 15) pounds so hard? It maybe because mentally I am not into it.

AND.....

Why am I scared to find another job? With the economy the way it is and the job market at its all time low, I am scared to leave this bad situation and end up being laid off at another job. (Hence the career change)

AND.....

Why am I so bad at picking men?

I have to admit something, I am a SLOW BLOGGER!

I am going to get straight to the point.

There are some bloggers out there who make me very intimidated. These bloggers write with such heartiness and enthusiasm that sometimes I do not feel worthy of posting. However I realized that I put this pressure on myself really. The purpose of this blog was/is to express my feelings about my transition into this thing called womanhood and everything that comes along with it. Meaning I write about my issues with my career, men, money, spirituality, weight, etc. Everything a 20 something think is important. MY LIFE EXPERIENCES. However while writing this year, I realize that I have been feeling the stress and pressure to publish at LEAST 9-10 posts a month (which for some is the amount of posts they do a day) and if I do not, I feel like I have failed in some way.

With that being said, I feel like there are gifted individuals that have the competence, vigor, and wit to write insightful posts daily. I wish I had the ability to write like them. They have this extra-ordinary (at least in my opinion) way of explaining things that I can only wish I was able to do. They make me want to be a better writer. Hell, they make me want to be a writer period.

So I can only go at a pace I can handle. My pace gives me perspective to think over an idea and develop it. Some ideas I have about a post I have been thinking about for months and sometimes they come out as I write them, like this one. I feel like I need to take my time to write and to think about what exactly I want to say. Because truthfully I am not very good at articulating my views/emotions/opinions in the best intelligent way I want to.

I love blogs that take their time to live before talking about it in their blogs. Because lets be serious, you need to live your own feelings and experiences before trying to write about them in a blog. For it gives them the experience to develop an idea and/or opinion before bringing it to their blogs. Sometimes I get so caught up in their blogs that I do not take the time out to develop posts for my own. However please believe that I have been going through and living in some crazy times that I should have posts for months!! LOL!!

So the next time you come across my page and I have not written a post in awhile, do not think that I have forgot about yall. I am just out living! Trust me you will read about it later! LOL!

Mental Organization

So I need to clean out my mind. What does that mean? Well it basically mean that I have to much stuff going on in my head and it is driving me crazy!!!! Just chaos.

1. I have asked and received YES answers from 3 individuals with regards to writing me a letter of recommendation for law school. Now I just need to find three more. I am seriously considering asking the CEO of my company. I talk to a couple of VPs at work and they think he will do it without hesitation.
2. Get organize in my room. Meaning I need to organize bills, writings, ideas, articles, debt elimination documents, etc. I truly believe once you are organize that it clears your head and leaves you at peace.
3. Contact the county’s “Van-to-work” program so that instead of using my car (which means filling up twice a week and adding over 100 miles per week on my car) I can ride the van to work.
4. Find an English class to take so that my grammar, vocabulary, and writing skills can be better for law school (speaking and living it into existence), business, blogging, and my future life as an “author”.
5. Study for the LSAT.
6. EXERCISE!
7. Get back to reading and posting on this blog.
8. Designate a day to focus on writing and bible study.
9. Get back into my hobbies.
10. Focus on my mental, physical, and spiritual detox.
11. Start the sewing class on Saturdays which means that I need to find out if I need a sewing machine. LOL
12. Continue to work on my EMPIRE (well my small start up business)!!
13. Get career goals and future businesses organized and on paper.

So I been thinking........

AND........

I am wondering what happened to my clique/crew? You know the ones you have in high school/college/sorors.

AND........

I am pissed off about this whole Republican V.P. situation. Do they REALLY think that Americans are that stupid?!

AND.......

I need to step up on my reading. Books that is. I have been slacking in this area. I am going to commit at least one day a week to strictly reading.

AND........

I read blogs more than I actually blog. I catch myself saying that I am only going to visit ONE site today, but then I look up and three hours have pass by. I even have a particular order I go in which I read my favorite blogs. Do not get me started on when I find new blogs I like! LOL

AND........

Need to get my exercise on.

AND........

One week before my 26th birthday (9/9/)!!!

AND.......

Currently in the process of detoxing. (Blog about it later)

AND.......

I have three ideas for future GREAT novels.

AND.......

I loved watching Jon Stewart and The Colbert after every night of the convention.

AND.......

Jello shots are great!!

AND.......

Obama speech got me all PUMPED UP!!

Another Saturday wasted.....

So its Saturday and like every week while at work, I plan tons of things to do on my "free Saturdays".

Free Saturdays are Saturdays where no one is in town, no special events are going on, and no major errands to run. Just a empty/free Saturday.

Anyhoo, as I was stating before, I plan tons of things to do on these days (read, clean up, blog, catch up on fav blogs, check out new blogs, study, read, work on business, and catch up on shows I have on Tivo). However today I did hardly any. I just laid in bed (as I am doing now), played on Youtube (damn this great website), watched HGTV, and threw a pity party for myself.

Who was invited to my pity party?

1. Wanting my own place.
2. Being jealous that an ex is getting married today. Now I do not want him, but I am jealous none the less. It just reminded me that I am a single lady with no candidates at all.
3. Feeling fat (even though I know I am NOWHERE near fat, but just bigger than I have ever been) and not doing anything about it.
4. Being mad at myself because I feel that I am never satisfied.
5. Lastly, having tons of things/ideas/feelings going on in my head that are driving me crazy!

Its 6pm and I have nothing to show for this day. NOTHING!! I am getting tired of wasting away my "free Saturdays", but do not know how to motivate myself.

So I been thinking........

AND......

There is so much I want to do, and I wonder will I be able to do it all. Will I become one of those individual with great ideals that never follow through with them?

AND......

Smile in your face, all the time they want to take your place, them BACKSTABBERS. BACKSTABBERS!!

AND.....

I am going to write a book! Well one day I will. I have several ideals in the works. I think I need to take some English/grammar classes and creative writing classes. Nevertheless it will get done. LOL

AND......

Family. They can be the ones that hurt you the most. Wish you can pick them like you do your friends.

AND.....

Work. Starting to learn the politics of the office. Individuals you THINK have your back and sincerely care, the main ones who will stab you in your back!! Thinking about keeping to myself like I was doing when I first started. I do not need to know EVERYTHING that is going on in the office.

AND......

The new Batman movie and The Color Purple play were excellent choices for this weekend!!! I recommend them both!

So I been thinking........

AND........

I realize that I may be a walking contradiction.

ALSO

I whine entirely to much for my age.

I have an addictive personality.

I try to be hard, but I am not.

I am a great friend and sister.

I give excellent advice, but I do not use it in my own life.

I cannot decide if I want micro braids or a sewn in before I cut my hair all off for my birthday (like I do every year since I was 18)

I am lazy and it is the reason for some of my failures.

I am organize, but messy (organize chaos as I call it).

I KNOW that I do need to be getting involved with someone, BUT really wanting to!!!

I just discovered Sudoku, and I am loving it!

I am a closet nerd and I am about to start coming "out" to people! LOL

Oh and lastly, I am a very blessed individual and would not trade anything.

HOLLA!

LSAT Results

Think about the worst score you can make, well I did worse than that!! You may ask how do I feel about it.

Well......

Can you be at peace about it and still cry? Because that is what happened to me. However just when I was about to sit here and write a "woe is me" post (AGAIN -- seems that is all I do lately), I came across this you tube clip. It put everything in prospective and at the end of the day I know everything is going to be okay.

John Legend sung it calmly and lets you focus on the message and not necessarily how well he can sang! Inspirational vitamin of the day.

Greetings Everyone!!!!!

Since my last blog entry, God has truly reminded me that it is in Him I MUST live and move. through. Putting my trust into anything or anyone other than Him proves to be unacceptable. I have also realized that in order to truly have a new reality, I have to have a change in outlook. '

By not seeking revenge last weekend and truly ignoring the situation, I gain power over the situation. That was my “revenge” so to speak. I killed them with kindness. I just let it go and concentrated on me and my happiness.

I feel my biggest challenge is not picturing my future, but becoming comfortable with the “right now” and seeing it the way God does. I am trying to look past my circumstances and know that God’s has the finish plan.

With preparing for the LSAT, trying to start a business, and the UNNECESSARY drama, my life was filled with chaos and anxiety. However as of Monday (right after I finished taking the LSAT) I am choosing to visualize my today and future as calm, stimulating and fulfilling.

Friday Evaluation

If this week wasn't stressful enough, today I hit an all time LOW. Its not even 8am yet!!!! So as I sit at work writing this, trying to hold back tears from the pain that I MYSELF have caused, I feel that I am at my lowest and have nowhere to go but UP.

Nevertheless I am on my way to Louisiana this weekend for Father's Day and to take the LSAT exam. I really hope that my trip will cheer me up, but the root to some of my current pain lives in Louisiana.

How do you guys feel about revenge? I just want someone to feel the pain I am feeling, especially if you cause it. Nevertheless when I go home I am going to try to stay as positive as I can and not resort to any negative behavior. I have to perfect way to get back at this individual, but I am going to try with ALL MY MIGHT not to do it. OHHHHH BUT HOW I WANT TO!!!

If what they say is true.......

Jay Z and others are always saying the following:

Thirties are the new twenties!

If that is so then I want to be 16 FOREVER because my twenties are kicking my a**!!!!!